Half of My Heart
by charlibubble
Summary: a triple murder outside of town leads Grissom and Sara to re-evaluate the direction their lives have been taking so far. GSR -GSR - GSR :D rating will probably become M near the end ;-
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I am aware that I have another 2 WIP that I should be getting on with but this story wouldn't leave me alone and I had to get it out. So much so that it is already complete and ready to post! Soooo here is my latest offering to the world of GSR FanFiction. I love it! It started off as a Sara story and then I found a song that fit Grissom so it is now an alternating POV story. Beginning with Grissom. Sooooo let me know if I should keep posting. :D _

_song Lyrics courtesy of John Mayers - Half of my Heart _

**Grissom - I was born in the arms of imaginary friends.**

Grissom stared at the job in his hand with a heavy heart. A triple out in Ely, a four hour drive away. The journey alone was enough to push them into the edge of a double shift. Then the decision fell to him of who to put on it with him. Catherine would kick up a fuss about overtime and her daughter, Warrick had just come out of a really tough case which saw him max out on his overtime for the month and Greg, well Greg wasn't ready for such a big case.

That only left Nick and Sara.

He sighed as he stepped into the break room and saw them there, laughing and joking. The easy flirting and comfortable chatter he was once able to enjoy with her that was now a distant memory.

He had never felt so alone.

He wouldn't say she had been avoiding him as such but she was certainly distancing herself from him and he didn't like it. It was probably for the best, it was probably justified, he needed the distance from her as much as she needed it from him but it left a space in his soul. A space once reserved for a completely enchanting young woman he couldn't get out of his mind.

If anything it only made him think about her more. Much like an addict. When he was working with her every day, talking to her every day he didn't _need_ his fantasies, he didn't _need_ to satisfy his hunger with daydreams because she was there right in front of him, looking at him with those soft, enticing eyes and smiling at him with _that_ smile. When they avoided each other, when their days were spent only exchanging the words necessary to relay important information he missed her. Not that he would ever tell her that of course.

"Ok sorry guys but we got an out of Towner. Triple out in Ely. We leave in 5 minutes"

He didn't wait around to hear their grumbles or their arguments about who drove or who got shotgun simply turned on his heel and headed off to find Catherine and let her know she would be on call until they got back. He wasn't looking forward to that particular conversation, especially if the case ran over a few days. He had promised her the weekend off.

When he appeared outside Nick and Sara were already leaning on his car with an air of impatience. It was obvious Sara had lost the argument about who called shotgun by the folded arms and over exaggerated teenage girl pout. He had to actively suppress the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. They stowed their kits and overnight bags in the trunk of his car and piled in. Nick playing with the settings on the stereo and Sara shuffling uncomfortably in the back seat. She eventually settled, staring out of the window, watching the world go by.

She didn't know he could see her in his rearview mirror. He was absolutely certain she would have glared at him if she saw him stealing glances at her at every opportunity. Nick was singing along to the radio and drumming the beat with his fingers on his shoe and other than the hum of the engine and the occasional motorcycle whizzing past that was the only sound.

She fell asleep about an hour in, having read the file faxed over by the Ely police department a couple of times over her eyelids became heavy as she rested her head on the window. She looked so peaceful and relaxed he had to fight to keep his eyes on the road.

Then he began to wonder what had made her so tired. She was infamous for her ability to work for days on end without rest and here she couldn't handle a few hours in a car. His mind cast back over the cases he had passed to her over the past few weeks. He had specifically avoided giving her anything too difficult, she would bite his head off if she knew that of course but since she came back from her leave of absence following her almost DUI he had tried to keep an eye on her. It was hard of course, the lab was always so busy and she got so consumed in each case she was always off on some tangent, always following a new lead or racing ahead of him. That was one of the things he loved about her, she could always keep him on his toes. It didn't seem to matter how much he thought he knew her, she could still surprise him.

She had sworn to him that she wouldn't drink again so it couldn't be down to that either. He trusted her not to break a promise to him. She had never given him reason not to.

When they finally arrived in Ely he told Nick to wake her while he introduced himself to the local law enforcement. It would cause less embarrassment for her and for him that way. The comical police officers eagerly met him from his car, both of them stretching their hands out to shake his simultaneously and scuffling on the way over to be the first to have the honor.

The tall man made it first, his longer strides and muscular arms beating out over the small tubby one. He was handsome in a conventional kind of a way, your typical college pretty boy now a grown up and playing cops and robbers. He took an instant dislike to him, especially when he saw that his gaze left him the second Sara stepped out of the car and his eyes lit up.

He almost growled a quiet warning in his ear telling him to back off but the annoying little conscience in the deepest recesses of his brain reminded him that he had no right to be involved in Sara's personal life. He had forfeited all rights to that a long time ago. That didn't stop him scowling at the man as he made his introductions as casual and dismissive as he could.

He was infinitely glad the small officer had caught up and was offering his hand to Sara first. He could see her shudder as the sweaty palm of Officer Haslow closed around her small hand and still she smiled a polite smile and greeted him with the respect he deserved.

At least he thought he deserved it, he wasn't sure he liked this officer any more than Officer Miller. He seemed rather dismissive and uninvolved, that could be a good thing or a bad thing. He prided himself on being neither although his workmates would insist he was at least one of the two.

During his scrutiny of Officer Haslow he had almost completely forgotten about the other officer, when he looked around he felt something well up inside him that he hadn't properly felt for a very long time. Jealousy.

She was standing there smiling at him, holding his eye contact and he could swear she was blushing. How dare they have a moment like that right under his nose? This man couldn't have Sara, she belonged to him. She was meant to be with him even if neither of them were ready, or willing to admit it yet he had long accepted it as fact. He and Sara were meant to be together and here she was flirting with another man. It was his fault, for his cowardice and his need to overthink every major decision in his life. She had been right all those years ago.

He was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sara – Free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I've been.**

Sara awoke to Nick gently shaking her shoulder with a soft smile. The 4 hour drive to Ely had sent her to dreamland before they were even out of Vegas. While being sent to the backseat of Grissom's car had annoyed her at first she was infinitely grateful for it now, she could only imagine the humiliation of waking up to his pitying looks and queries about her sleeping pattern and social life.

She muttered a thanks as she uncurled her body and stepped out of the car. Grissom was already chatting to two officers by the side of a huge colonial style house. the rickety blue shutters squeaking in the wind and the huge oak tree in the garden creaking under the pressure. Nick passed her kit to her and they both approached the men quietly.

"this is CSI's Stokes and Sidle, they will be helping me with my investigation" Grissom introduced them.

The two officers were poles apart, the small round one grumbled his hello's with an air of inconvenience. It was clear he didn't really want them there.

"Grant Haslow Ma'am nice to meet you"

He stretched his fat, stubby and sweaty hand out in her direction and she shook it politely, barely able to keep the wince from her face. He offered his hand to Nick and he shook it with a smile and a nod.

The second police officer was a world away, tall and toned with short dark hair and a wide genuine smile. He stretched out his hand to her and she suddenly felt very aware of her newly wakened state. she nervously tucked some of her hair behind her ear and returned the smile.

"Robert Miller, it's a pleasure. Not often there are pretty ladies showing up to help us out"

She was well aware that they were still shaking hands, well aware that they were maintaining eye contact just a little longer than they should and also well aware that Grissom was glaring at her with a look that could only be described as poisonous.

"shall we take a walk through?" he interjected pointing his remark to her then marching off in the direction of the house.

She raised an eyebrow at Nick and sighed as she followed him. another exciting instalment in the drama that was her relationship with one Gil Grissom. She was beginning to get tired of this particular soap opera.

The smell of blood filled her nose immediately, it didn't matter how many times she had walked through crime scene's swimming with blood and yet the smell could still get to her. it still invaded her senses. There was ample amounts of blood at a triple homicide, 3 bodies lay out on the floor of the kitchen with knife wounds littering their torso's.

"the officer said the victims are two brothers. Jeff and Harry and the girl is Harry's teenage daughter Lois" Grissom filled them in quietly, crouching down at the man they now knew as Harry.

Sara bent down over the young girl, she couldn't have been more than 16 years old and her face was frozen in an expression of pure terror. She must have died a horrific death, her arms were stretched out towards the back door and the streaks of blood behind her suggested she had tried to escape.

"the mother's name is Margaret, she is missing along with her 6 year old son and a 6month old girl" Officer Miller spoke from the kitchen doorway.

He was watching their investigation, or more specifically _her_ investigation. It was rather off putting trying to remain attractive while photographing the bloody body of a young woman he was likely to be familiar with. The coroner arrived shortly after them and did his thing while they processed the room. it didn't look like the attacker had put much thought into covering his tracks. A footprint in the blood, a print on the door handle and a short dark hair in the blood pool were all promising piece's of evidence they collected from the room.

"ok Sara will you take the top floor? Nick you take upstairs and I'll work the rest of this floor"

Sara nodded and took the many steps to the top floor. It was dark and cold up here. an eerie feeling settled over her as she reached the tiny landing and drew her flashlight over the two small rooms nestled in the eaves. The first room was basically empty the only furniture was a small desk and a jumble of boxes. The second room appeared to be decked out as a nursery. Toy boxes and a changing table across one wall and a crib under the window. the moonlight filtered in and highlighted the crib as Sara shone her flashlight into the corners of the room, searching for something, anything that would tell them something.

She was turning to leave when she heard the noise, it was a bit like a cat waking up from a long nap and she spun around expecting to see just that. The blankets inside the crib were moving and squirming, carefully she stepped across the room. her hand hovered over her gun in its holster, just in case. She reached out and pulled back the blankets.

"well I didn't expect to find you in there" she cooed into the little pink bundle in the crib.

The baby giggled and wriggled around in the bed and Sara couldn't help but smile right along with her. she gathered the baby up in her arms, grabbing a small stuffed giraffe and a blanket and headed for the stairs.

"look who I found upstairs" she smiled.

Grissom was standing at the foot of the stairs chatting to officer Miller when she appeared. They both looked astounded to see her carrying a baby.

"I thought you cleared the house? there could have been anyone up there!" Grissom was livid. Probably quite rightly so, if they had left the baby at the scene there was no way of knowing when anyone would be back to find her.

"I did, I … I guess I didn't look in the crib"

"she was sleeping Grissom, I would probably have missed her too"

Judging by the look he threw her as he stormed out of the building she probably should have bit her tongue and not jumped to the defence of the officer on the receiving end of his rage. Nick came down the stairs declaring his floor clear as Sara passed the baby to the officer.

"come on Angel, lets get you to the hospital" he whispered before turning around "hey Sara, if your staying in town I'd love to take you out for a drink?"

She was sure she flushed a deep shade of crimson. She tried to think up something witty to say but instead she nodded shyly and smiled as he disappeared through the doors. Nick grinned at her as he walked by, gently punching her on the arm and winking.

"flirting at a crime scene… Greg would be proud!"

She could have shot him down with a cutting and belittleing remark but instead she shot him a death glare and headed for the door ahead of him.

"Grissom on the other hand….." he apparently wasn't finished, she whirled around on her heel to face him. "well I could have sworn he was jealous. You know, if I didn't know better"

"yeah, well you do and Grissom doesn't do jealousy, Grissom doesn't do anything"

They stepped out of the house to see Grissom talking to officer Haslow in urgent tones. He looked worried, like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sara and Nick stowed their kits and evidence in the trunk of the car as Grissom approached them.

"they found the mother"

"is she ok?" Nick inquired

"no, she's dead…our triple just became a quadruple"


	3. Chapter 3

**_Grissom – Then you come on crashing in like the realest thing_**

The mother's body had been found out in the woods on the other side of town. They drove in silence, pondering the fate of the woman who's family had been torn apart. She was laid out in a clearing in the woods, a very rehearsed and peaceful position highlighted by the soft glowing sunset as it filtered through the trees. in contrast to the furious frenzy at her home it seemed as though the killer had taken his time with her. The knife strokes across her neck weren't deep enough to kill her, they were there as a means of control.

The coroner confirmed she had died from the deep knife wound to her inner thigh; it struck him as unusual that there were signs of sexual activity but no sign of sexual trauma. Either she had been a willing participant or the knife to the throat had subdued her a lot more than he would have expected.

"She's barefoot but the soles of her feet are clean so she was definitely dumped" mused Sara.

He was watching her as she processed the body and its surroundings while Nick took care of the perimeter. He loved to watch her at work although he went out of his way to make it barely noticeable. The way her mind worked fascinated him, she had a unique way of analyzing a crime scene so efficiently and so emphatically within seconds that astounded him. Somehow he could never seem to tell her that, his words came out stale and rehearsed no matter how hard he tried to sound caring and poetic.

"the blood pool is shallow, there's no directional drops on the ground… suggests she was wrapped in something"

He didn't respond, he didn't need to she wasn't really talking to him. She may have thought she was but he had every confidence in her abilities as a CSI, she needn't have wasted her time seeking his approval.

"there's no bruising or dirt on her body which suggests she was placed and not dumped"

She absentmindedly brushed her hair behind her ear and her eyes flickered up to meet his. As much as he willed himself to break away from her gaze he just couldn't seem to do it, she seemed to draw him in and render him defenseless.

"I got nothing in the vicinity of the body, there's no buildings, no tracks, there's not even a road." Nick grumbled as he marched towards them, unknowingly disturbing a moment. Her eyes were immediately back on the body as the coroner marched his way up the incline towards them.

Night was closing in by the time they made it back to the police station with their minimal amount of evidence. They shuffled into their appointed room wearily, glad the day was nearly over. He watched Sara filling out her paperwork with such concentration and care.

Officer Miller stuck his head around the door just as they were finishing up, he grinned at Sara, holding her gaze for just a second more than necessary. He cursed himself for feeling a flash of jealousy when she smiled back.

"Just wanted to let you all know the kid's ok, family services are on their way to the hospital"

He was far to chirpy for a man who had left a child at a crime scene, he felt the urge to cut him down to size but bit his tongue while he chatted to Sara and Nick about the mother.

"Did you report to your boss that she was left at a crime scene Officer Miller?"

He tried really hard to sound innocent with his questioning but he was sure the anger radiating out of him was picked up by everyone. Robert faltered slightly; he looked as Sara as though searching for an answer from her.

"I… I didn't think it was relevant…"

"I suggest you go and tell him Officer Miller or it will be coming from me"

Nick and Sara exchanged a look as the officer scurried out of the room and headed for his boss' office. Grissom sat down with a sigh, he suspected he may have crossed a line and judging be the fire in Sara's eyes as Nick left the room, he was about to be called out on it.

"That was out of line Grissom, he made a mistake!"

He chose to continue staring at the paperwork on the table rather than meet her eye. He knew as soon as he met her eye he would be revealed to her, she would know that it was jealousy driving his actions rather than his feeble 'protocol' excuse.

"It's just protocol, a mistake like that could have put that baby in danger Sara"

"That baby was asleep Grissom, she didn't even know anything was wrong" she changed her tone, making it softer and tried to catch his eye. "He could end up on suspension for something like that"

She had finally managed to drag his eyes from the papers; he didn't like what he saw. She was pleading for this man, a man she had just met and that could only mean one thing.

"Why do you care if he does Sara? It has nothing to do with you!" he turned away from her, he felt like his heart was breaking but instead of that making his walls crumble it seemed to make him build them even higher. He distanced himself from her more, pushed her away when he really should have been pulling her closer.

"It has everything to do with me Grissom, I don't _belong_ to you"

She almost spat it out with such defiance in her eyes he was astounded. He wasn't sure how to retaliate to that, in his own delusion's she had no idea how he felt for her. Had he made it that blatantly obvious that even Sara was aware of his infatuation?

He was happy to watch her from afar, happy to admire her safe in the knowledge that although not in body, at least in spirit she was his. He had never made the decision to progress their relationship because he never needed to. While his fantasies may take him to different places he could handle a smile here and there, a stolen glance and the tiniest shiver of body contact. Every one of them reminded him how much he needed her but he had never realized how close he was to losing her until now.

"It's not personal Sara, it's his job"

He gathered the papers together with a sigh; this conversation had to end now. There was absolutely no way this could ever end well. His body felt ridiculously heavy as he pulled himself from his chair and headed towards the door.

"Then you won't mind if I go to dinner with him tonight then?"

She almost whispered it as though she was afraid of asking him. He paused in the doorway, holding onto the frame for support and pressed his eyes closed as he took a deep breath. Every fiber of his body screamed at him to turn around and fold her into his arms and never let her go but he couldn't he was paralyzed by his overworked brain. He turned around slowly and looked at her. He wondered when she had taken on the shadows under her eyes or the sadness in her eyes. She was willing him to protest, challenging him to fight for her, to finally express his feelings for her but he was afraid. So afraid that he would lose her completely by crossing that line and one thing kept repeating over and over in his brain as he gazed into her soft, delicious eyes.

"_If you love something let it go"_

His heart was racing and his breath catching in his chest but he knew he had to say something. He had done this to her, he had turned this beautiful, energetic, charismatic and liberated woman into a shadow of her former self. He had turned all her trust into betrayal, he had made her flinch at the touch of another human being, he had turned her into… him.

"You deserve it; I'll be in the hotel if anything comes up"

He pretended not to see the tears forming in her eyes, pretended that he didn't witness her heart breaking in front of his very eyes again but he did. He saw and he broke right along with her but the time had come to let her go. She deserved to be happy and if he couldn't give her that then he had to let her find it elsewhere.

"_If it comes back to you then it was always yours"_

He passed Robert in the hallway; he had clearly been let off with a warning. He threw Grissom a nod and a salute as he headed in the direction of Sara, still standing in the room staring at the space he had vacated. When he heard her laugh sounding out into the almost empty police station he realized how long it had been since he had heard it. The realization was almost physically painful.

"_If it doesn't then it never was"_


	4. Chapter 4

She was woken by an irritated knock at her door. She was still in bed and light was filtering through the thin hotel room curtains indicating it was morning. She had clearly slept in. Grissom would not be amused.

"Hold on, I'm coming"

She ran her hand through her hair and slipped the zipper beside her bed on over the pyjama's she was wearing. Nick was the one waking her. He stood outside her door with a wide smile and a steaming hot cup of coffee.

"Late night last night Sidle?"

Against her better judgement she had gone for a meal with Robert when they finished up with the mother. The evening had gone surprisingly well and she had enjoyed his company, signing off with a peck on the cheek in the wee hours of the morning. She snatched the coffee from his hand and walked back into the room enjoying the feeling of the hot liquid slipping down her throat.

"Is Grissom mad?"

Nick sat down on the edge of her bed and began flicking through the channels on the TV while she got ready.

"He's gone down to the station already, I told him you and I would catch up"

"Thanks Nicky" she smiled as she slung her jacket over her shoulders and slipped on her boots. "I'm ready. Let's go"

The police station was only a short walk from their hotel. By the time they arrived Grissom was beginning to leave. He almost walked right into her as he stepped out of the police station with so much haste and purpose he wasn't watching where he was going.

"Uh... Sara. Good, you're here. There's a cabin about a mile away from where the mother was found. We're going to go and have a look around."

She nodded and they both followed him to his car without a word. Sara slipped into the front seat this time. Falling asleep in the car would not go down well today. She opened the window as wide as it would go despite the definite chill in the air.

"So how did It go with Officer Miller last night Sara?" Nick asked her from his position in the backseat.

She shot him a glare in her mirror before glancing at Grissom quickly. His eyes were firmly fixed on the road, not a whisper of emotion crossed his features.

"Uh, that is none of your business Nicky"

"Yeah but there isn't a lot more to keep me amused is there? Did he walk you home?"

"Leave it Nick" she warned him, still without a murmur from Grissom.

Officer Miller was waiting at the cabin when they arrived. What exactly had she been thinking when she went for dinner with him, she should have known Nick would torment her about it.

"There's lover boy Sara, try and keep your hands of each other ok?"

Grissom whirled around in his chair as he moved his car into park.

"That's enough Nick. What Sara chooses to do with her personal time is her business not ours."

He turned to look at her; she didn't like the expression in his eyes. The hurt reflected back to her, emotion she had never seen before.

"I don't want to hear about it unless it pertains to this case ok?"

He was angry, if he had just been hurt or upset she could have dealt with it. She would have probably spat back a comment to him, shot him down with a sarcastic monologue but angry Grissom was a different breed altogether. Angry Grissom was forceful and intimidating and she found herself completely speechless about what to say in response.

Robert didn't make it any easier when he winked at her as she exited the car. For some reason she now felt like she was walking on eggshells around Grissom. She hadn't technically done anything wrong. She had gone to dinner with a friend in her spare time. It had no impact on the case, no effect on her ability to work. Ok so she had almost been late but he didn't know that. She couldn't figure out why this was bothering him so much, or more to the point, why it bothering him was bothering her so much.

"There's no-one here. Property is registered to a Jason Carlisle. Local businessman, I've got Haslow chasing him up"

Grissom simply nodded and brushed past him into the darkened cabin as Nick and Sara shared a look akin to two naughty schoolchildren about to face the headmaster.

"Thanks Rob" she smiled sweetly at him as Nick nodded his thanks and they followed Grissom into the house.

"It's Rob now is it?" Nick teased before Grissom shot him down with one venomous look.

This was going to be a long shift.

They scoured every square inch of that cabin. It took most of the day and some of the early evening and they found nothing that would immediately tell them any of the victims had been there. They did find signs of sexual activity in the bedroom that they would have to wait to be processed but that could belong to anyone. It was fruitless. At least that's what they thought until they stepped outside. In the middle of a massively overpopulated forest lay the tiny yard belonging to the cabin. A small patch of grass, a kid's playhouse and a vegetable patch, nothing immediately striking them as unusual. Nick took the perimeter of the small fenced off area, carefully studying the area for footprints, blood drops or any other miniscule piece of evidence.

"You know there wasn't any signs of sexual trauma on the mother, if the contributions on the bed are from her then she came here voluntarily" Sara mused to no one in particular.

"It's not unheard of Sara, women cheat on the people they love all the time..." strangely, his statement was loaded with not so hidden meanings.

"You don't know that she cheated on him" she retaliated.

"I don't know that she didn't either"

Grissom held her vicious glare with an equally aggressive look tinged with betrayal. The tension simmering under the surface was palpable. Nick was about to interject when he stopped dead and raised his camera.

"Hey guys… I got a shoe."

Grissom and Sara both dropped their eye contact and gazed over at Nick.

"A shoe? What kind of a shoe?"

Nick placed a marker down and picked up a blue and red child's high top boot.

"I'm guessing the kind of shoe a 6 year old boy might wear"

Sara strode over to him and held out a clear plastic evidence bag into which he dropped the shoe. This could be just what they needed. It could prove that the kid was actually here which ties in to the mother murder.

"If the kid got away he might still be out there…" Said Sara, gazing out into the thick woodland surrounding them.

"Your right, we need to get mobile" Grissom was right behind her peering over her shoulder, taking in the very same view she was staring at. "Officer Miller? We need some more bodies up here, get as many people as you can. We need to find that little boy"

Then he was gone, back into the cabin as Robert picked up his cell phone and dialled the station. Within 30 minutes a whole team of officers had arrived at the cabin and were lined up taking instructions from Grissom. Sara and Nick held back along the outside wall of the house. Technically this was police business although they would ultimately be involved in the search they already knew what the instructions would be. Robert side stepped over to them with a small smile.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I got you in trouble with your supervisor. He seems a bit pissed"

She checked to make sure Grissom wasn't watching before she responded, it would be the final nail in the coffin if she was caught undermining his authority by having a little chat in the middle of his speech.

"It's fine. He just wants to find this kid"

"Good, because you know, I'd really like to see you again. If you wanted to…."

She fixed her eyes on Grissom as she pondered his statement. Logically it was ridiculous to be even considering it. She lived 4 hours away for a start, not to mention the fact that they were intellectually poles apart. Logically she should be setting her sights closer to home but logic hadn't helped her out so far in her life. Logic had led her to believe at one point in her life that Grissom was her soul mate. That two people who were so physically, mentally and psychologically well matched could never be mere friends, Grissom however other ideas had. Logic had failed. Maybe it was time to throw caution to the wind and stop waiting for Grissom to finally see her. He had spent the last 5 years blind, it was never going to change.

Yet she watched him giving his speech, she drunk in every single word, studied the way his hands moved, the way his lips moved, the way he made eye contact with each and every member of the search party in turn. Emphasising the importance of their job. She willed him to look at her, if he looked at her just once with that same raw emotion she had witnessed from him earlier in the car she would never go on another date with Robert Miler again. just a single look and she would never look at another man again.

But he didn't, it was as though he was purposefully avoiding her gaze. It was time to have some fun.

"Sure, I'd like that."

Of course the very second she chose to turn and smile at him was the second Grissom would turn his attention to where she was stood. He couldn't possibly have looked at her when she was standing there willing him to catch her eye, willing him to show her that he cared.

The team fanned out across the expansive woodland. It was well into the evening before they all emerged onto the road on the other side. Their search had been useless. No-one found any trace of the little boy and not a single trace of the mother was to be found. Grissom thanked everyone and squeezed the bridge of his nose. He was stressed; the weight of this case was weighing on his shoulders.

"Hey, you wanna go get something to eat? I heard there's a great steakhouse round the corner from our hotel" Nick squeezed Grissom's shoulder and smiled.

"Yeah, that's… that's a great idea Nick"

They piled into the car, exhausted and sore from a very strenuous day.

"You coming for dinner Sara?"

She was half tempted to cancel her date with Rob and go with the boys to the steak-house. It was technically everything she hated in the world but at the same time socialising with Grissom outside of work was a big deal. Out of the corner of her eye she watched him as he drove. Not a glimmer of emotion passed through those eyes. She was beginning to think she had imagined his earlier lapse, the mask had fallen but now it was firmly back in place.

"Sorry, I have plans"

"Plan's with 'rob'?" Nick teased her.

"Nick you need to get a life…" she shot back with narrowed eyes.

They went their separate ways at the hotel; Sara quickly showered and changed into her most feminine shirt and trousers. She hadn't exactly packed dinner dresses and skirts in her work bag but the pale blue floaty shirt she picked out was not only quite a sexy little number but it made her skin look a little pinker than death which was saying something for Sara Sidle. Once, a long time ago, she had worn this shirt for Grissom. Or should she say for Grissom's lecture. He had told her how pretty she looked that night, a memory that had helped her hold onto him through many of their darkest times.

Suddenly, she had second thoughts. Somehow, it felt like cheating on him. Somehow, by wearing that shirt she was tarnishing that memory and that was something she could never do. She settled on a red satin instead topping it off with her black leather jacket and a pair of dress boot she stepped out to the hotel bar.

Rob was waiting for her, dressed smartly in black jeans and a shirt. He stood to greet her, placing a small kiss on her cheek as he ordered their drinks. So maybe they wouldn't be forging a lasting relationship here but she could enjoy the company of a nice man for the night and who knew, maybe there would be some extra's thrown in the package for good measure.

By the time Grissom and Nick sauntered back into the hotel she had already had her fair share of the house cocktails. Nick grinned from ear to ear as he approached them while Grissom positively growled at them both.

"Having a good night guys? Hope you're taking care of our Sara, Rob. I'd hate to see us fallin' out"

"Shut up Nicky, I can take care of myself" she didn't recognise her own voice slurring out those words. She must have been more intoxicated than she thought.

"I know you can babe, just making sure Rob knows it too"

Rob reached out his hand to Nicks and the two men shook hands. Nick winked and pointed at her as he took off in the direction of the elevator. Grissom was watching her with the steady eye of a seasoned investigator. She didn't like it. She struggled to bite her tongue with him at the best of times now was not the time to annoy her. He tilted her drink and took a sniff, pulling back as though the scent had burnt all his nostril hair off.

"Sara, how many of these have you had?"

"Enough to want to go dancing but not enough to want to go to sleep?"

Her logical inner voice was practically screaming at her to stop talking, to under no circumstances engage in conversation with this man while under the influence of alcohol but apparently she had stopped talking to that inner voice a few hours ago when she had donned her red shirt and sexy boots.

"Sara, I think you should go to your room and sleep it off" he took her glass and pushed it across the bar towards the bartender with a nod.

"Well you know what Grissom; I don't need to listen to what you think right now. I'm on my own time. You are NOT the boss of me out here"

Grissom couldn't have looked more offended if she had slapped him hard across the face. He looked between her and rob with a look of utter betrayal. Had she had less to drink she would probably have felt guilty but drunk Sara didn't do guilt, drunk Sara only did defiance.

"Ok fine, but don't come crying to me when you get another DUI Sara, I won't always be there to bail you out"

For a second she met his eye, she could barely breathe. What he said felt like a knife through her heart and she knew of only one way to hurt him as much as he just hurt her. She stood up from her stool. Grabbed Rob by the hand and pulled him towards the elevator.

"come on Rob, I'm gonna show you the night of your life"


	5. Chapter 5

**_Grissom - All that your love can bring_**

He couldn't tell how long he had stood there, his eyes fixed on the elevator as it climbed the floors to Sara's room. He knew he had no right to feel like this, he knew he had been out of line bringing up her private business and a time in her life she had been particularly embarrassed about. Something inside him just saw red when he saw her with Rob, something inside him told him it was wrong for her to be with another man, in his foolish mind, deep down in the darkest recesses of his heart he had honestly ,genuinely believed that they were meant to be together. It didn't seem to matter how much he denied it or how much he tried to bury it, he was madly in love with that woman and like it or not all he had done for the past 5 years is push her away.

He ordered a drink from the barman without looking up and slumped onto her stool. His mind was reeling with images of Sara and Rob. He couldn't shake it, he was tormented by thoughts of what was transpiring in that bedroom above him. Robert's hands caressing her milky skin, looking into her deep, dark eyes and kissing her soft, sensual lips. He couldn't bear it, choking back another drink he allowed the liquid to slide slowly down his throat, burning as it went. It was a distraction if nothing else, in that second of pain he wasn't concentrating on the other pain he was feeling, a pain that would take a lot longer to subside.

He nodded to the barman again, perhaps hypocritical of him to be propping up the bar and drowning his sorrow's when he was so quick to jump down her throat for doing the same thing. he had a lot of ground to cover if he was ever going to recover any of their relationship.

He often wondered if he would ever get to hold her in his arms and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, maybe if things had been different it would be better for them. They would have seen past all the differences, ignored all the reason's they couldn't be together and he would have took that step, all those years ago in San Francisco when things had been easy.

The bar had emptied in the time he had been pondering this particular puzzle, he was waiting on his brain to conjour up an epiphany but his brain was as muddied as the drink in his glass. His conscience pulled him in different directions and he didn't know whether to listen to the whisper telling him to let her go or the scream telling him to fight for her.

"I gotta close up pal, can I hit you with another one before I go?"

He looked up at the young man for the first time, he had pity in his eyes for the poor broken old man propping up the bar and staring into his brandy. He sighed and nodded heavily, nursing his drink as though it was the elixir of life. If only the answer to his problems really were at the bottom of his glass. He peered into the brown liquid sighing at the realization that he had emptied yet another glass without clarifying his problem never mind finding a solution.

The barman slid another drink under his nose with an understanding nod as he swept his cloth over the rest of the bar. The quiet hum of music gave way to silence which only emphasized the emptiness he felt. She had once accused him of not feeling anything, at the time she couldn't have been more wrong. How ironic that now she was right, now when he really should be feeling some really strong emotions; anger, jealousy, humiliation, rejection, fear, love… now he was empty. Now she had taken it away there was no need for him to feel those emotions, he had built his walls so high that even he couldn't get around them.

With one last meaningful sigh he tipped the glass back, emptying its contents into his throat and shaking off the burning. He dug around in his pocket for a note, he didn't care what one. Throwing it onto the counter with a nod towards the barman he heaved himself from his stool and stared once again at the elevator doors. He couldn't bring himself to step through those doors just yet, he wandered outside and breathed in the cold, fresh air.

It hit him like a ton of bricks, the darkness of the night, the crisp cold air stinging his eyes, the stars twinkling in the clear sky and all of a sudden he wasn't empty anymore. As he walked around the streets of Ely with no idea where he was going the cloak of fear was slowly beginning to lift and a slow realization was dawning on him. Much like the sun as it fought to peer over the horizon his decision was slow to form, it didn't hit him all at once as he had expected.

His feet beat out a rhythm on the sidewalk and that was the only sound. There were no ringing casino's and rowdy crowds, there was no music filtering from strip joints where the less than savoury patrons tried to score that elusive access to the 'back room'. The streets were quiet, empty and tranquil. Normally it would have felt like a sanctuary, a place where he could roam the streets and clear his head in peace and quiet with only nature as a distraction, tonight was different. tonight he needed distraction, otherwise his mind kept returning to the one thing he didn't want to think about right now, the one thing he spent a high proportion of his time thinking about.

He may not have liked it but thinking about Sara was all he seemed able to do right now. As he turned yet another non-descript corner and wandered down another tree lined street he began to ponder how their life might have been had they succumbed to their emotions all those years ago. He gazed at the houses lining the street, wondering if they would be living in a house like that had they made different decisions. Maybe they would have the usual 2.4 children and the big hairy dog bounding about the yard chasing squirrels. He thought about waking up beside her, her long legs stretched out against his, her hair a mess of curls, her lips parted ever so slightly as her breath escaped between them to brush his eyelashes like a fresh morning breeze.

There was something so simple yet so endearing about the scene. He realized that in truth he didn't want a big romance from her, all he wanted was to wake up beside her.

It wasn't quite the epiphany he was waiting for but it was enough to spur him to turn on his heel and head for the hotel. He had to speak to her while he was sure, while the image was fresh in his head and the alcohol still spun through his veins. If he didn't take another chance for the rest of his life it didn't matter as long as he took this one. In the elevator his legs were restless, his hands tapped nervously against the brass railings. He didn't dare think about what he would see or how she would react. His heart was leading the way for once, he had left his head in the brandy glass.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Sara - Half of my Heart's got a grip on the situation**_

The thud of the door woke her from her groggy drink fuelled sleep. It echoed through her brain thumping through her skull like a bouncy ball in a confined space. She rubbed her head and screwed her eyes up, struggling for a moment to recall the night before until the lump of bedding beside her let out a low groan. She almost fell right out of the bed and had to physically restrain herself from screaming.

Suddenly it all came flooding back to her. The crime scene, the shoe, her argument with Grissom and her idiotic drunken self, tearing Robert from the bar and to her bedroom.

"Sara? Please answer the door Sara. I… I want to apologise"

She grabbed the obligatory digital alarm clock perched on the bedside cabinet. It blinked an unwelcome 5am. Grissom was at her door at 5am to apologise. That could only mean one thing; his conscience had been tormenting him all night. Carefully she slipped out of the bed, running a hand through her hair and trying to shake off the horrible headache threatening behind her eyes. An unwelcome reminder of the ample amount of cocktails she had consumed last night.

"Sara?"

"I'll… I'll be right there!" she tried her very best perky voice but it cracked and faded in her dry throat. She half walked and half stumbled to the door opening it wide and relishing the surprised expression on Grissom's face as he took in her current choice of nightwear. Panties and a vest may not have been the best choice of attire at the time but her thoughts had been focussed on not looking like a drunk and his reaction had been priceless. She closed the door halfway over, stepping behind it slightly as though it was some kind of a shield.

"Grissom, its 5am…"

"I know. I… I didn't like the way we left things last night. I behaved..." he was caught short, his eyes drawn to movement in the room. She didn't even have to turn around, she pressed her eyes closed and wondered just what she had done in her past life to deserve such terrible luck in this one. Technically he should have known he was there, as should she, but judging by the anger she saw flash in his eyes he had forgotten about their earlier argument as much as she had.

Robert had chosen the opportune moment to stroll around the room in nothing but his boxer shorts, Grissom spotted him immediately and didn't utter another word to her. She had blown it, probably forever and all because she was a stubborn, defiant and angry woman. All because she couldn't have him.

Grissom quickly turned on his heel and marched back along the corridor, she tried to call after him. Tried to explain but he was muttering to himself and shaking his head. Drunken Sara had tried to hurt him but she didn't count on hurting herself in the process. She may have just thrown away the one glimmer of a chance she may have had with him. For what? A drunken fumble with a relative stranger. She couldn't even remember what went on last night, her last tangible memory was chatting to the barman about his fancy wine glasses.

"Who was at the door at this time?" Robert asked from the bed, she really didn't want to have to turn around and see him. At one point she would admit to having been attracted to him now, now he symbolised yet another regret, another stupid decision.

"Uh… you should go Rob…. I don't want to get you in any trouble"

He was pulling his pants on she could hear the movement around the room. She stayed clutching onto the door for support not daring to make eye contact in case he saw her shame, saw how dirty she felt.

"Trouble? What's going on? Why would I get in trouble?"

Now fully dressed he moved toward her, she felt her entire body tense, her heart rate quickened, her breathing sped up and a hot flush washed over her. Still she clutched onto the door as though it was holding her up, that could be true of course. If she let go she might crumble into a heap on the floor, she just couldn't take that risk.

Rob cupped her face in his hands, his expression softened when he saw the unshed tears she had been gallantly fighting. His thumb gently drew over her soft cheek. She had used him, she knew it, he knew it even Grissom and Nick probably knew it. She felt disgusted and ashamed, how had her self-esteem ever gotten so low that she would do this?

He didn't say anything, with a single look he understood. Just one look and he knew where the urgency had come from; he knew why he was being ushered out of her room at 5am. It didn't need to be spoken. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, his face lingering beside her for a few long seconds. His breath whispering in her ear, making her heart race.

"We didn't do anything Sara. I hope he knows how lucky he is…"

And with that he was gone, off along the corridor with his jacket slung over his shoulder. She practically deflated when the elevator closed on him. He had handed her a lifeline as he walked away from her. She might actually be able to claw back some respect from Grissom. That however would have to wait. Right now the only thing she needed was pain killers and some sleep.

A tumultuous sleep followed by a scalding hot shower and she still didn't feel clean. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her pale complexion and pasty skin only serving to accentuate the dark rings under her eyes. She ruffled her hair in an attempt to illicit some soft curls, sighing when her hair fell limp and lifeless by her face instead. It didn't matter anyway, he still wouldn't see her. She tied her hair back in a ponytail and slung a jacket over her shoulders. As long as she looked semi alive she was happy.

She sauntered into the police station trying to hold her head high despite every fibre in her body begging her to stare directly into her coffee and avoid all eye contact. Haslow grinned at her from his desk; he clearly had inside information as he winked at her and almost tipped his chair over. Everything about him repulsed her. She smiled and tilted her coffee cup in his direction as she moved towards the briefing room. The sooner this case was over the better.

Grissom and Nick were there waiting for her already. She stepped into the room, trying to remain invisible but Nick spotted her immediately.

"Hey! You feeling ok? Thought you'd be sleeping it off"

"I'm fine; can we just get on with it please?"

Grissom didn't even look up from his file. The photographs of the victims were spread all over the table painting a disturbing picture of the family involved. She moved to Grissom's side, her eyes scanning the images and forming the story in her brain. He visibly stiffened and found some ridiculous reason to move away from her. This could be a lot worse than she thought.

Haslow appeared in the doorway, donut in hand and sweat on his brow.

"Sara, was Robert with you this morning? He's not clocked in"

She cursed his timing; tact was apparently not Officer Haslow's strong suit. She was struggling to put her finger on exactly what he did bring to his profession but that was irrelevant right now.

"He … uh he left me around 5" she confessed, flushing a dark shade of crimson from head to toe as Nick grinned at her from his position across the table. Grissom remained fixed on his file. He hadn't uttered a word or looked at either of them since she stepped into the room.

"Nick, you and Sara go back to the house and rework the scene. I'll stay here and put in some calls to Greg. See if we can get our trace and DNA back quicker" Grissom spoke quietly and specifically avoided talking to her.

The silent treatment.

Well two could play at that game. She turned on her heel and marched out of the police station leaving Nick in her wake wondering exactly what was going on between his friends.

They scoured every inch of that house, every nook and cranny was sprayed with Luminal and examined with their expert eyes but they didn't uncover anything new. They had been thorough the first time; they were really just wasting time until their evidence came through. Nick and Sara eventually walked through the doors of the police station as dusk was beginning to fall. Robert looked up from his desk and sent a sentimental smile her way.

On paper he was a good guy, he and Sara had a lot in common, their conversations flowed easily and Rob was a romantic person. The only problem was, he wasn't Grissom. Her heart belonged to him and until he actively gave her it back, until such a time as she could definitively put a line under whatever their relationship was or wasn't she couldn't give her heart to anyone else.

She sat down on the tiny uncomfortable plastic chairs in the briefing room and watched Grissom as he spoke on the phone to Greg. He was still avoiding her eye, still giving her the silent treatment and as retaliation she intended to stare at him until he HAD to look at her.

He caved a lot quicker than she thought. His eyes taking on a worried and confused expression as he looked up from his notepad and met her eye.

"Are you sure Greg? We really can't go there unless you've double and triple checked this"

This sounded serious. Obviously their evidence had thrown out a new angle. A new suspect or theory to follow. She sat up and trained her ears on him, straightening in her chair as she tried to catch a glimpse of his notebook.

"Hey, I'm heading out. I'll maybe catch you later Sara, goodnight Mr Grissom" Robert smiled. It warmed her heart that he was still willing to spend time with her even although he knew he was getting no further than he'd already been. Had she made a friend? That was a new skill of hers, to create friends in such a short time. He disappeared out of the building and Sara waved her goodbyes to her two colleagues, quickly following him out.

Grissom would tell her eventually, she was sure of it.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Grissom - Half of My Heart Takes Time_**

He wasn't sure what his foolish heart had been expecting when he had gone to her door. He shouldn't really have been surprised to see Robert there in a state of undress; he shouldn't have felt his body reacting to her choice of sleepwear. Alcohol had a lot to answer for. It had convinced him that it was a good idea, it had fooled him into picturing a beautiful union of two soul mates, it had told him that everything that could go wrong with their relationship had already gone wrong.

It was wrong.

Now all he was left with a niggling headache irritating behind his eyes and the inability to look her in the eye. He hadn't slept since he left her, his brain wouldn't switch off. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was her, every time he blinked she would flash before his mind's eye forcing him to snap his eyes open in an effort to control himself.

So he had gone to the police station, wandered the dark empty streets at 5am hoping to gain some clarity or at least some closure on the way. He wasn't gifted with either, it seemed the more he concentrated on not thinking about it the more he thought about it. The more he tried to scrub the image of her standing there in front of him in her underwear with those soft dewy sleep soaked eyes and the mess of curls the more it became implanted in his brain.

He shook his head as he stepped through the doors to a frown from the duty police officer snoozing at the front desk. He didn't even pretend to glance at Grissom's badge as he was buzzed through into the offices. There were some serious gaps in protocol in this station; he really could have been anyone sauntering in off the street in search of a distraction from his empty insomnia soaked life.

He poured over the photographs for the rest of the morning, ignoring the staff arriving and chattering outside. They had established the fact that he wasn't to be disturbed early on in this investigation, so while the chatter and laughter escalated outside he was left alone in his cocoon. Exactly the way he liked it.

Nick arrived promptly at 7am with a hot coffee in each hand and a friendly smile. He didn't say a thing, simply handed over the beverage and set to work. That's what he liked about Nick, his dedication and his loyalty. It didn't stop him gazing out into the office in search of Sara.

"I guess Sara's still sleeping it off?" Nick mused "I should have dropped by to wake her up"

"It's her responsibility to get here in time Nick, I'm sure she won't be far behind you"

Nick stared at him over the rim of his coffee mug with some level of amusement in his eyes as he turned his attention back to the case file he had dug out. Every few seconds his eyes were torn to the doorway, hoping or dreading that she would be the next one to walk through the door.

"What do you think about this whole 'Rob' thing? It's good to see her getting out there for a change, don't you think?"

Grissom tore his eyes from the doorway to look at Nick. He tried to gauge whether the man had ulterior motives for asking. Was he genuinely just making conversation or was he fishing for information. He liked to think his feelings for Sara were well hidden, he had certainly been better at keeping it secret than she had but Catherine had already called him out on it countless times.

"It's none of our business Nick"

Vague was his best defense. He could pretend to take the moral high ground and remain detached and professional. At least on the outside.

When she finally did come strolling through the doors she looked more beautiful than he could have imagined. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, reminding him of that first time he had met her. It felt like a million years ago, that fateful day when he had been lost to her. A few stray strands of hair escaped as she smiled at Officer Haslow. The tubby officer leered at her from his chair and he could tell she was uncomfortable with his attentions. There was no trace of the previous night's dramatics on her. She looked as fresh as the morning dew.

He quickly diverted his eyes as she stepped into the room, if he looked at her he might betray himself. His humiliation was enough to convince him that avoidance was his best tool for the moment. He would, of course, have to speak to her eventually. For now he intended to send them both away from the building and away from him for the rest of the day. He needed space to get her out of his head.

When they returned from the house with nothing he had managed to compose his thoughts enough to appear in control. His relentless scouring of the crime scene photographs and the case file had been fruitless from an investigators point of view but it had been therapeutic and had helped suppress the almost pornographic images of Sara running through his mind.

At least until she arrived back in the office. The second he saw her, the second her scent invaded his senses he was back to the beginning again. His cell rang and he took a mental note to thank Greg for the distraction when he got back to Vegas. Her eyes burned into him, she was watching him. Not with a dismissive eye either, she was watching him with passion, with purpose and it took all his self-control not to lock eyes with her and match her expression with passion of his own.

"The DNA and prints got a hit on the employee databases Grissom. It's a police officer. A… Robert Miller" Greg had no idea how significant this discovery was and on so many levels.

Grissom himself wasn't sure how he felt about it. He locked eyes with her across the room; he didn't send passion and lust her way it had been traded for concern and worry. When all was said and done he did genuinely want her to be happy, he wanted her to find happiness and lead a full and beautiful life. If she couldn't find that with him then he would have to accept she would find it with someone else but he didn't want to be the one to break her again. He had already done that too many times on his own behalf.

Robert grinning at her from the doorway and nodding in his direction flared up that now familiar jealousy in him. Now it was tinged with his urge to protect her. The guy she was currently heading after was a suspect in the largest, most horrific crime this town had ever seen and he was well aware that whatever he said could be misunderstood for jealousy.

For this one, he had to tread carefully.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Sara – Half of my Hearts got a right mind to tell you..**_

She caught up with Robert in the parking lot. She really wasn't sure what she was going to say but her voice of reason seemed to have abandoned her lately, at least for things like making responsible, adult decisions that could have an impact on the rest of her life.

"Hey, I uh… I wondered if we could maybe go get something to eat. My way of an apology? I was out of line earlier…"

"I don't know about that drunk Sara is kinda fun" he grinned.

She drew a hand over her face in an attempt to brush away the embarrassment, trying to stifle the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"I don't usually…"

"Oh yeah, me either" he winked.

"Look its fine, if you don't want to…"

She turned and started to walk away, rolling her eyes at her own awkwardness. She couldn't remember a hangover ever transforming her into a teenage girl before. Robert reached out and grabbed her by the hand, whirling her round to face him with that wide genuine smile of his. His eyes sparkled; he was clearly enjoying her discomfort.

"I'd love to. We can just avoid the hotel bar" he teased "and Mr Grissom…"

She thought for a moment he was speaking about avoiding Grissom that would make sense of course. Given the circumstances, she was all for avoiding Grissom but soon enough she realised he was walking across the parking lot towards them. For the first time in a very long time her heart fell at the thought of facing him, she didn't want to see that betrayal in his eyes again. He had no right to make her feel this way; she was a free woman, capable of making her own decisions about her own life without his input. She had wasted enough of her time waiting for him.

Rob stroked her arm and smiled as Grissom cleared the space between them, she glanced over her shoulder to see the thunderous expression in his eyes. He was mad. She wasn't sure if he was mad at her but he was making a beeline towards her with rage radiating out of his pores.

"I'll call you later Sara ok?" she nodded as he slipped into his car and drove off, taking a deep breath to prepare herself for whatever Grissom had on his mind. By the time he reached her his angry expression was gone, replaced by soft concern.

"I need to talk to you Sara"

Part of her was very intrigued by what he had to say, part of her wanted to melt at his feet and throw herself to his mercy for the millionth time but she had made a decision during this case. An unexpected but important decision and she would be doing things her way from now on.

"I'm sort of on my way out Grissom, can't it wait till tomorrow"

"It's important"

She sighed and shot him her very best defiant stare. "Fine, what is it?"

He pressed his hands together and drew a deep breath his eyes scanning the parking lot carefully.

"Can we go inside?"

"Look whatever it is, you can tell me out here Grissom. I've got plans"

He faltered for a second, his eyes showing a whisper of emotion before he set his frown and spoke in urgent, hushed tones.

"The evidence collected at the house and at the cabin came back to Officer Miller. He is currently our only suspect. I wanted to let you know before the police picked him up"

She held her breath as she absorbed the information she was hearing.

"No, no that can't be right Grissom I know this guy. There's no way"

"I'm sorry Sara but it's the evidence. You need to stay away from him"

Something inside her snapped just then, she saw red and he was on the receiving end of an angry tirade.

"Oh now I get it, now I see what this is about. What is it Grissom, did it make you jealous to see me with someone else?"

He looked stunned but made no effort to deny his feelings. He must have been expecting her anger, he must have prepared himself for her onslaught, he knew her better than anyone else, and of course he knew how she would react.

"It's nothing to do with how I feel Sara. The evidence is the evidence."

She paced up and down, rubbing her temple in an attempt to straighten out her thought processes. She had almost forgotten he was standing there, watching her wrestling with her emotions as she ran through every memory she had of Robert Miller. Every word he had said to her, every gesture and movement she analysed in a different way but still she couldn't see it. She continued shaking her head, slipping the cell phone out of her pocket and tapping on the buttons.

"I'm gonna give him a call, this can't be right..."

His hand folded over her phone, slipping it out of her hand with a stern look.

"No Sara, you can't speak to him. The police are on their way to pick him up right now"

"Your wrong" she held his eye contact, far from the emotion filled gazes they often exchanged this look was filled with heartache and anger.

"Do I have to remove you from this case?"

"You are unbelievable!" she cried, resuming her pacing. His cell phone began to chime before she had a chance to launch into her rant. He raised a finger to silence her as he listened to the voice on the other end of the line. When he hung up he stepped to one side and spoke to her softly.

"They found the little boy…"

Without another word she followed him to his car. They drove in silence, headed to a secluded part of the wood where the young boy had been found by a dog walker. The poor little guy was barely conscious and had been transferred to the nearest emergency room as soon as possible. Sara and Grissom processed the scene and the surrounding area liaising with Nick from the hospital.

It was late into the night by the time they returned to the police station with their evidence, nick was there waiting for them in the midst of a card game with Officer Haslow. They checked in their evidence and joined Nick outside.

"How's the kid?" Sara asked sadly

"He's tired and dehydrated but he's not hurt"

"Did he see anything Nick?"

Nick's gaze nervously darted between Grissom and Sara and he nodded sadly. He didn't have to say anything else; she knew what the look meant.

"Have they picked him up yet?" she was surprised she asked she didn't really want to know.

"No, they… they can't find him"

They walked together to the hotel but none of them spoke until they stood outside the glass doors contemplating their goodnights.

"You want to get some dinner?"

She was surprised to hear Grissom asking; it wasn't like him to be purposefully sociable but the concern in his eyes told her that his dinner invitation was a thinly veiled attempt at keeping an eye on her. She didn't really want to be around him right now, she didn't trust herself.

"No, I'm … it's been a long day. I'm going to have a bath and go to bed"

She tried a small smile as she stepped through the doors and made her way to the elevator. She could feel their eyes on her; she knew they were talking about her in those hushed and worried tones she hated so much. The elevator ride seemed to take forever; she pressed her head against the wood panelled walls and closed her eyes wondering why every venture she had into romance failed so spectacularly.

She absentmindedly slipped her card into the lock and threw her purse down behind the door. Her muscles ached; a good hot bath would cure her tension. She turned around and her eyes fell on Robert seated on the edge of her bed.

She saw something different in his eyes. A menace, darkness she was sure hadn't been there before.

"I hear they're looking for me?" he said, his voice low and calculated.

She nodded in response, her feet seemingly glued to the floor. Her cell phone was in her purse for the first time in weeks. She had slid it in there to avoid Grissom's disapproving looks every time she touched it.

"Do you think I did it Sara?"

He was putting her on the spot, trying to analyse where her thoughts were on the subject. The truth was she didn't really know what she thought.

"Did you do it?"

Her cell started to ring; she knew it would be Grissom. He was a lot of things with her but he was never dismissive when he thought she could be in danger.

Robert stood up and grabbed her purse, throwing it across the room and making a clatter echo off the walls as the contents smashed on the floor and the chiming stopped.

"Looks like your busy Sara, I hope Grissom won't be mad"

"Grissom has nothing to do with this; this is between you and me Rob"

"She said that too you know. Before I killed her, she begged for her life but more than that, she begged for her husband's life. She would rather have died than see me kill her husband. You're the same Sara, I can tell. If he was here, would you be begging for your life or his?"

"I wouldn't be begging for either of us Rob"

She made a marked effort to keep her voice strong and unemotional. She dealt with deranged killers almost every day of her career, Rob shouldn't pose a problem. He shouldn't be frightening her or worrying her but he did. He made her feel vulnerable.

"Why? Why did you kill her? Her husband, her daughter…."

"She was leaving. Angel, the baby, she's mine. That bitch was taking her away… I thought if I took something she loved away she would see… she would stay with me"

"And the little boy?"

"I didn't even see the kid! I swear he wasn't there. She was so angry, she said she was going to make sure I got a death sentence and Angel would never know who I was… I'm never good enough Sara, not even for you!" His anger was escalating as he continued; she pressed her body against the door as though the feeling of it behind her would help her stay upright. "You, you've probably not had sex in months… years even and I'm not even good enough when you're drunk. Your hung up on… on your boss! It's pathetic!"

"Are you going to hurt me Rob?"

His laugh echoed off the walls and he rolled about on the bed.

"I'm not going to hurt you Sara. I just needed someplace to go"

A silence descended over them that was shattered by a knock at the door. Grissom. He was persistent that was for sure, he couldn't just give up when she didn't answer her cell. He had to come and check on her, what he thought she was going to do she would never know but it warmed her heart a little to know he actually cared.

She looked at Robert with a frown. She wasn't exactly being held captive but neither did she feel like she could throw the door open casually and welcome Grissom in. Robert tilted his head towards the door indicating his permission as he lay back on the bed with his arms behind his head.

Slowly she turned the handle and opened the door wide to Grissom standing outside. She tried to convey the fear and urgency she felt in one look but he was avoiding her eye.

"You didn't answer your cell, I was worried about you"

Before she could answer his eyes locked with Robs on the bed and rage replaced the worry.

"What is he doing here?" he growled "Sara, you know he's wanted. What are you thinking?"

"Grissom, it's not what you…" he turned on his heel and marched off along the corridor pulling his cell phone out as he went. She didn't know what to do, she turned back to see Rob staring out of the window, he wouldn't notice if she took off.

She wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't chase her down, knife in hand determined to exact revenge but in that moment she didn't care. In that moment there was only one man on her mind and she had to make sure that he knew that.

She didn't realise her feet could even move that fast, she ran along that corridor and darted down the stairs towards his room. She could hear Rob calling her from her bedroom but she didn't care.

If she had only one act left in her life it may as well be to tell the only person she loved how she really felt.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: This is a short chapter I know, BECAUSE… like I said I wrote this as a purely Sara POV fic and then shifted it to alternating and the next chapter takes place in Grissom's room. (((there's a hint for y'all))) Sooooo this chapter only had to cover the time between Sara's room and Grissom's room and it was pretty tricky… big thank to Otie1983 for firstly ignoring my plea for help and then ok-ing this chapter as Grissom-ish :D as always thank you all for reviewing, keep em coming please! I'll get 10 up ASAP cos it's a good'un ;)_

_Charli x_

_**Grissom – That I can't keep loving you**_

He was livid. He wasn't sure he had ever felt anger like that before and that frightened him. His heart raced as he pulled out his cell phone, almost running along the corridor. He was retreating, from the fact that she had moved on perhaps but also from having to spend another second looking at _that_ man on Sara's bed.

"Officer Haslow? Yes, the suspect is currently insitu in the La Quinta suites. Room 416"

He hung up before his portly counterpart had a chance to respond. The way he felt right now he was likely to jump down anyone's throat. The elevator was waiting for him; it had only been moments ago when he had stood there nervously, his hand hovering over the button with his mind running through every possibility.

For an intelligent man he was making a proper fool of himself lately. He had gone to her room expecting to be there as a shoulder to cry on. To once again pick up the pieces and carefully put her back together again. He was good at that, although socially inadequate and completely absent of intelligent words whenever he was faced with her crying, he was good at listening and nodding at the appropriate times. He was good at providing a sounding board and a solid, stable support.

Maybe that was all he was good for.

He stood in the elevator, resisting the urge to crack his head against the wall as hard as he could. His fingers automatically hit the button for his floor before he was even aware he was going there.

His anger was slowly subsiding only to be replaced with a burning jealousy. He had genuinely hoped that Robert was merely a blip in their story, the storm before the calm but in truth it seemed to be the final breath, the nail in the coffin, the piece de resistance in fates plan to dangle a new life in front of him and then tear it away before he had the chance to taste its sweetness.

He was struck suddenly, by the tragedy of it all. She just wanted to be loved, she longed to be loved and for the longest time she longed to be loved by him. He knew it, she knew it, the whole lab probably knew it and yet he had gained some contentment from dangling her there in his web.

He didn't necessarily mean to play with her emotions but that is what he had done. He was much like the cat tormenting the mouse on the end of his claws for his own amusement, or a spider, wrapping her up in his web so that he could devour her when he was good and ready. Only now that he was finally ready she had wriggled free from his binds, she had escaped and sought comfort in someone else. Now he was tangled in his own web, struggling against the overwhelming rush of emotions he was feeling. He had opened the floodgates and no amount of suppression or denial could close them again.

The problem was that she didn't know this. She didn't know how she could haunt his dreams, she didn't know that when his brain conjured up images of beauty it was her that he saw, she didn't know that in the dead of the night when insomnia tormented him it was always her body he pictured beside him. In his most forbidden fantasies it was always her hands, her lips, her darkened passionate eyes that drove him crazy. He didn't really realize the depth of his infatuation, not until he was faced with losing it altogether.

He trudged out of the elevator feeling so much heavier than he had when he had stepped inside. The force of his newly unearthed emotions were bearing down on him; guilt, fear, jealousy, anger, desire, passion and maybe even love. If he would allow himself to admit such a thing. Admitting it would be a huge step for him, he wasn't sure he had the strength of mind and character to bear opening that can of worms. When it all came spilling out he would be vulnerable, he had never been vulnerable to a woman before. He had never been in the position where he felt the need to bear his soul just so that he could face another day. He had never felt such a need, such a fierce burning desire that told him that now was the time. Now or never Grissom, _now or never_.

Then he saw her, breathless and wide eyed she stood at the far end of the corridor. For a second he paused, she paced nervously, her back to him allowing him a second to steel his thoughts. When she turned to him he averted his gaze as quickly as he could. He felt dirty, like she knew about his thoughts and his torment like admitting them to himself had somehow made them common knowledge and she could see right through his guarded stance.

He held the door open for her, intending to voice everything he had held back, but when she started speaking he was only reminded of the reason he was mad at her to begin with. He was only reminded of the treachery and the betrayal he had felt, all the sincerity he had promised himself and in turn had promised her had evaporated in the few moments it took for them to enter his bedroom. How ironic that he should have her in his bedroom, begging for his forgiveness and all his muddled brain, filled with all those emotions, could come up with was more resentment.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: *~*HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! *~* I didn't plan for this chapter to be published on this day but I'm glad it is! – this is my favorite – I hope you like it too!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Sara – with half of my heart.<strong>_

"Grissom, I can explain I swear"

"Do you have any idea how much damage you could have done to this case?"

The case. It was always about the case but she wondered if somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind he actually was jealous. It may be wishful thinking on her part but he was certainly acting like a jealous person. Like it or not he had admitted he had feelings for her once. Albeit a long time ago and never directly to her, but he had voiced an inner longing. Despite his shell the great unbreakable Gil Grissom did have feelings, somewhere. At least she hoped he did.

"He was there when I arrived"

"I should never have taken you out here" he mused to himself as he began pacing the room. The anger radiating from him in a way she had never witnessed before. Grissom was never the kind of person to allow emotions to take over; he didn't seem to have the ability to lose control like that.

"Why Grissom? Why shouldn't you have taken me out here? I have done nothing wrong!"

"aside from sleeping with our only suspect?" he spat, she almost reeled back from his comment there was so much anger in it but instead she reached out and held onto his arm, forcing him to look at her as she almost pleaded with him.

"I didn't sleep with him Grissom! I … I couldn't"

"You probably don't even remember" his comment brought the anger back, she struggled to control her anger at the best of times but her emotions were going haywire right now. His resentment hurt; regardless of what had caused it he had pushed it too far with her. She had chosen to ignore his comments about her drinking the previous night, she had chosen to let it slide and put it down to pig headedness on his part. The truth was she could remember that like it had just happened. The way he had assumed he could control her, the way he had looked at her with such patronization, the way he spat those words out.

"Oh I remember alright. I remember just fine." She glared at him as she spoke. "I didn't sleep with Robert because it wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair to him when I was in … when I am….in love with someone else"

She wasn't even sure she was finished with her rant before she felt his lips pressing against hers and his hands grasping her waist. He pushed her against the wall, his kissing angry but passionate and she almost relented and allowed him to kiss away all the anger and hurt she was feeling. It should have been everything she had hoped for, it should have been everything she dreamed of but somehow she felt as though she was being cheated out of her big moment.

Surely it should have been more magical than this. She didn't want Grissom kissing her out of anger or lust or jealousy. She wanted Grissom to kiss her because his heart told him too, because he couldn't bear to live another minute without kissing her. That's when the sparks would fly, that's when the fireworks would sound and her knees would get weak. Not like this, not in the midst of an argument.

She pushed him away, roughly by the shoulders but he didn't go far. He hovered close to her, the confusion in his eyes evident.

"No, it's… it's too late Grissom. You're too late"

"No it's not"

Tentatively his hand cupped her face and he moved forward once more, pausing for a moment barely a space between their lips. His eyes locked with hers; there was a depth there, a confession that stunned her to submission. She closed her eyes, both in an effort to savor the moment and to calm her racing mind. She was so confused about what she wanted; her mind was so conflicted with her heart.

When his lips gently brushed against hers she forgot herself for a second, she found herself responding to the soft caress, melting into the beauty, the glory of the moment, her lips parting briefly, inviting him closer. _This_ time she felt the magic, _this_ time the taste of his lips lingered on hers and his touch sent ripples of excitement across her skin.

"Grissom…"

He silenced her by brushing his thumb across her cheek and she felt like her heart was pounding right out of her chest, it beat against her skin so hard and so fast she could feel the blood rushing all over her body, flushing her cheeks with pink in contrast to her usually pale white skin. Their lips molded together as he pressed her against the wall. The balmy scent of his skin invading her brain and overwhelming her senses.

"Please…"

She moved her hands to his chest in what was supposed to be an attempt to push him away. Instead she found herself powerless and weak. She faltered almost the second her hands rested on his body. She really had to convince herself it was real. That she was actually standing there, pressed against the wall knotted in an embrace with the man who had held her heart for so long.

"Grissom…"

She really tried to make her voice sound forceful and in control but it came put more like a sigh, a whisper almost. Grissom pulled back from her mouth, he met her eyes and for a second she thought that maybe he was as confused about this whole situation as she was.

"I should never have waited this long…" he whispered as though they were sharing a secret.

That was all she needed to hear. Her hands were instantly on either side of his face and rather than pulling her body away from him she relaxed into his arms. Their kissing deepened, the dormant passion that had been locked away resurfacing like a volcano.

_Then_ there were fireworks, _then_ her body pulsed with electricity under his touch, her tongue danced with his supposedly detached from her control. They stumbled across the floor still tangled in their embrace, their hands exploring each others bodies with hunger and awe. He sat heavily on the edge of the bed, obviously disappointed to break their lip contact. She raised her knees onto the bed on either side of him as he pulled her shirt over her head in one smooth movement.

And then they were kissing again. Hungry, feverish and passionate kissing. She trembled under his touch, almost as much as his hands trembled against her skin. His feathery touches sent shivers up her spine, he looked at her like she was the only woman he had ever laid eyes on and that was both exciting and intimidating. His lips found her neck as her erratic breathing broke into sighs and her trembling hands fought with the buttons on his shirt.

His fingers tangled in her hair as he brought his lips to hers again. If she stopped to think about it for long enough she was sure she would be terrified, she would be questioning the motives behind this, she would be wondering exactly where it was going but right now she was so consumed, so exhilarated by their mutual passion that her doubts were quickly filed in a dark corner of her brain and ignored. Now was not the time to be analyzing and rationalizing, now was the time to indulge, to throw caution to the wind and live for once.

As she slipped his shirt over his shoulders with a lingering look into his eyes they seemed to be frozen in time. The passion momentarily replaced with pure, heady romance. Her hands still gripped his shirt as it was gathered at his elbows and he softly, carefully and slowly danced his lips over hers. A tease, just enough to reignite the spark, just enough for her to bunch the shirt a little tighter around her hands and pull him towards her so that their bodies were pressed up against each other, just enough to cause a warmth to spread over her body and a knot form in her stomach.

And then the door.

A strong agitated knock broke the silence, they paused in position. Unsure of what to do and hoping that if they sat very quietly whoever it was might go away but Nick's voice called through the wooden barrier.

"Hey Grissom, you in there? There's been a development in the case. I tried your cell…"

"I'll… I'll be there in a sec Nick"

When he met her eye after that the unspoken humiliation between them suddenly struck her as hilarious. Here she was entwined in his arms, barely dressed, her hair had just seconds ago been running through his fingers, her lips had been pressed against his not more than a minute ago and she could not do anything to suppress the laugh bubbling up inside her. It was apparently contagious too; Grissom's face broke out into a wide grin as she slung her arms around his back and buried her face into his shoulder. His strong hands rested on the arch of her back and the hilarity was instantly quashed. She pulled back and met the soft expression in his eyes.

They had come so close, so many times but they had never crossed that line. They had never touched each other inappropriately; their lips had never met, until today. He tightened his grip around her to kiss her once more, lightly and gently. A million words were communicated in that kiss. That kiss held every promise they had ever uttered to themselves when the pull they both felt towards each other had proved too difficult to fight, that kiss was the beginning.

"Griss let me in I need to use the bathroom"

Now they were faced with an entirely different challenge, the room was tiny. There was no way he could feasibly let Nick in without him spotting Sara. Their shirts were hastily replaced, their ruffled hair flattened, the flustered faces and embarrassed expressions almost successfully disguised as Sara slipped into the chair by the window and tried to look casual. Grissom opened the door wide with a dramatic flourish and Nick frowned at his unusual behavior.

"Sara, I was looking for you too. Good. I gotta pee though"


	11. Chapter 11

_**Grissom – I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else.  
>Made a plan, stay the man who could only love himself<strong>_**.**

Somewhere in the back of his mind there was a niggling little voice reminding him of all the reasons why he should regret what he had just done. He was infinitely glad he had learned how to suppress that voice as he watched her shift uncomfortably in the big armchair. She was valiantly fighting the smile crossing her mouth with a bite of her lower lip, curling her legs under her body and swooping her hair behind her ear. He marveled at how every movement she made reminded him of their embrace, how his lips still tasted like hers; the sharp peppermint flavor swirled with lavender and the soft scent of rose petals.

He drew his tongue slowly over his own lips, lost momentarily in a trance as he watched her hand trail a path from her knee to her ankle. Then she caught his eye, only for a moment but he couldn't break away. Nick sauntered back into the room adjusting his jeans completely oblivious to the predicament his colleagues had found themselves in; he sat on the edge of the bed and looked at them both without a glimmer of suspicion despite the clues around the room. The tousled sheet's on the bed, the lamp that had fallen to the floor, the fact that Sara's blouse was buttoned up all wrong or that her hair was suddenly a mass of wavy curls as opposed to the poker straight style she had had earlier. If it was under any other circumstances he would have been highly disappointed in Nicks lacking observational skills but today he was infinitely glad he wasn't under the microscope.

"so what's going on Nick?" he asked, keen to get back to the case and buy some time to try and make sense of everything he was feeling right now.

"Well they've been chasing down that Rob guy, they lost him in the woods but apparently his cell was traced to a cabin out there. The police officers are on their way out there now"

Grissom simply slid his jacket over his shoulders and gestured for them to follow him out, Nick hazarded a glance at Sara as she uncurled herself from the chair and they both joined Grissom impatiently waiting in the corridor. They were barely over the threshold before he was locking the door behind them. He was tempted to tell Sara to go back to her room and leave them to it. Like it or not she was personally involved and it was bound to have consequences somewhere along the road.

That wouldn't go down well with Sara though and he was well aware that their relationship was still very much on the fence. They were peering over the edge, dipping their toes in the water but they were yet to plunge right in and take that risk. It was a big step, for him anyway it was a huge, mind boggling, terrifying step.

"What happened to your shirt? You get dressed in the dark?" Nick laughed pointing to the ridiculous attempt at speed re-dressing displayed on Sara's shirt.

She quickly glanced at Grissom with panic in her eyes before firmly focusing on fixing her buttons without flashing the whole hotel her underwear.

"I… I guess I was in a hurry to get dressed. This whole Rob thing … I'm a little distracted"

Nick placed a brotherly arm around her shoulders and placed a small kiss on her hair as she looked up at Grissom, her dark eyes filled with a mixture of relief and amusement. Apparently she got some enjoyment out of sneaking around - that was good to know. She scurried to her room to collect her things before they left the hotel.

The police station was a hive of activity when they arrived. The chatter was almost deafening, people were running back and forth calling to each other and passing files across the room. The telephones didn't stop ringing. Grissom strolled into their little office and waved officer Haslow through with him. Nick and Sara loitered outside, unsure if they were supposed to be involved or not. The two older men spoke for a short time before Grissom tapped on the window and waved them into the room.

"Robert has been traced to a cabin 6 miles from here. He has taken the owner hostage. A Mr Galt, Greengrocer and father of 2 small boys. We know he has a gun and probably has other weapons. We're heading up there now, Sara I need you to stay here"

He knew she was going to argue before he had even formed the conscious thought of keeping her away from the scene. Sara was very passionate about her work, he knew he could trust her to maintain a good level of professionalism but he was determined not to put her in danger. No matter how much she protested he was keeping her safe.

Nick was already following Haslow out to the briefing room. Sara on the other hand stood across the room watching him with fire in her eyes, arms crossed and mouth fixed. Almost the second Nick left the room she shook her head.

"You're not taking me off this case Grissom"

"No, I'm not" he sighed "but you are not coming to that cabin. You can stay here and do the paperwork"

He could almost feel her anger flare. The negative energy in the room was palpable.

"Paperwork? You want me to stay here and do paperwork?"

He didn't answer, simply watched her and tilted his head by way of acknowledgement. He gathered up the few pieces of paper he would need and stood across the table from her.

"I won't put you in danger Sara. I… I can't"

Sara stood and matched his stance with a defiant stare. His honesty was not about to be rewarded, while he was sure she appreciated the sentiment she would be livid at the suggestion she was incapable of doing her job. He was beginning to suspect she would be getting her own way after all.

"I _will not _bow out of this case because of whatever we have going on Grissom. I am going to that cabin"

The look in her eye told him that this was not up for negotiation. In theory he could have pulled rank, he could have demanded she stay there and forbid her from having anything to do with the case in its entirety. He was well within his rights to do so, she had put herself in that position after all but he knew that he would regret it if he did. It wasn't so much walking on eggshells around her as walking on hot coals. Gentle, gentle was not the best approach what he had to do was get this case over as quickly as possible so that he could concentrate on enjoying and defining their fledgling relationship.

If that's even what it was.

"You wear a vest and you do not get involved ok?"

She nodded and gave him a half smile as his reward as she gathered the papers on the table together and stacked them in a neat pile. He had a sudden need to touch her, his entire body willed him to go to her but his brain staged a protest. The resulting effect was a nervous shuffle before he reached out and touched her arm. He brushed his hand down the length of her arm, relishing the feeling of her skin under her fingertips. She locked eyes with him again but the anger had dissipated, her expression was soft and welcoming, it was hard to break free from. Hard to resist the urge, the need he had to be close to her.

"I mean it Sara; I don't want you getting hurt out here"

"Grissom…" she cleared the space between them without a single iota of hesitancy "I'll be fine"

She kissed him softly on the cheek, her lips lingering a little longer than could be considered platonic. He could feel her breath on the bristly hair of his face; he could smell her soft scent and feel the heat of her body so close. It was electrifying.

Just as quickly as she had removed the space between them she returned it. She flashed him a dazzling smile before turning and leaving the room to find a vest.

He was sure she had enjoyed teasing him before, he was sure it couldn't have gotten any worse.

He was wrong.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Sara - Lonely was the song I sang, till the day you came._**

The procession of cars wormed its way along a dirt track road and into the woods. The sunlight became suppressed by the thick cluster of trees and the cars threw up a thick plume of brown smog behind their spinning wheels. The journey passed in silence. she stared out of the window the entire way, her thoughts consumed with Rob and Grissom and whatever lay ahead in this cabin of his.

She had seen something different in his eyes in her hotel room, she had seen the same darkness she had witnessed in so many of the criminals she had locked away. It bugged her that she hadn't seen it before, it irritated her that she had let herself get close to a man who could do such terrible things.

The cars turned and came to a halt in a clearing in the trees. The cabin lay nestled in the woodlands, a soft glow escaping from the tightly closed blinds on the windows. The police officers trained their guns all over the building obviously predicting a showdown of some sort.

Grissom threw the car into park and gave her a concerned look, he wanted to protect her and she recognized that but his protectiveness was already irritating her. Not that it was a new thing, he had always been quite protective of her. Sometimes it was subtle, he would make sure she was behind him when they walked onto a scene or he would send her away when he thought a case might upset her. Other times it was very obvious, to her anyway, the way he would gently touch her arm or her face and ask if she was alright or purposefully check on her after shift.

Theirs had become a very subtle sort of affair. Barely definable as that, but an affair nonetheless. She did wonder what would become of their almost invisible relationship now that they had breached the gap, there was bound to be consequences. He was bound to be turning it over in his head and over rationalizing the whole thing. she wouldn't be surprised if he ended up avoiding her for the next 6 months in an effort to pretend it didn't happen. She couldn't disguise the sigh that escaped her mouth at the thought of going back to that staleness. She enjoyed the passion, the need, the desire she had witnessed earlier and she was possibly very naïve in hoping that it was there to stay. But then, If she didn't have hope then what did she have?

The officers were trying to get Rob to talk to them but he had closed down. He was agitated and aggressive. She felt a bit of a fool loitering over by the car, detached from all the excitement and negotiations. She had really only come out of defiance and some sort of morbid curiosity, it was as though her muddled brain couldn't quite comprehend what was going on until she saw it with her own eyes.

They were getting nowhere fast though, Rob had battened down the hatches and was refusing to speak to anyone. Haslow crept over to her, trying to keep out of Grissom's eyeline.

"hey, I tried his cell but it didn't even ring in there. Do you think he ditched it?" he spoke in whispered tones, his eyes shifting between her and the assembled officers.

"I don't know Haslow. That's really nothing to do with me"

He slipped his cellphone out of his pocket and tapped a few buttons on it while she ignored him. She didn't really want to be speaking to anyone right now and certainly not Officer Haslow. He waved his cell in front of her face with Roberts name highlighted.

"well I was thinking, maybe you had a different number for him?"

Sara raised her eyebrows and looked at the chubby officer with surprise. There was every chance she did, she was surprised at this display of intelligence and surprised she hadn't thought of calling him before. She hazarded a quick glance towards Grissom before slipping her cell out of her pocket and turning her back to the crowd. She almost crouched down behind the car, hoping not to be seen or heard until she was sure she could be useful.

The buttons on her cellphone were suddenly really loud. The ringtone of Robert's cellphone echoed in the cabin and a collective sigh sounded from the officers. She was certain they would know it was her immediately but they seemed to focus all their attention on the sounds inside the cabin, thus making her job a lot easier. She took a few steps towards the crowd of trees and spoke in hushed tones, hoping no-one would hear.

"Rob, what's going on? You have to let the guy go"

"Sara, you and I both know this is not going to end well. I'm gonna do time anyway I may as well go out with a bang!"

"Rob, you know that's not true. Let the guy go and come out and talk to us. He has a family you know, people depend on him. We can…"

She didn't get the chance to finish her sentence before Grissom had the cellphone in his hands and a disapproving look in his eye. His silent footsteps were always her downfall, she really should have known better.

"Robert? This is Gil Grissom. You need to let that man go. These officers are cleared to open fire and are trained on the house. You have no-where to run"

Sara wasn't very sure whether the authoritarian tone of his voice worried her or excited her. She was sure, however, that this wouldn't be the last she would hear of this. Grissom was bound to be mad at her, he had spent a large portion of this trip being mad at her actually and she being mad at him. It just underlined the fact that they were both getting frustrated with this game of cat and mouse. The whole back and forth game was getting tiring and it was time to declare a winner. As soon as this case was over anyway.

"I will only talk to Sara" spar rob on the other end of the phone.

He eyed her with an unreadable expression and sighed deeply. She could tell he wasn't happy about what he was about to say and by the look in his eyes it was about her.

"if I put her on will you let the man go?"

She quickly moved to his side, pressing her head close to his to try and hear what was being said on the other end. When her arm brushed against his she took a sharp intake of breath, surprised at just how much the feel of his skin against hers affected her in this environment. She had to remind herself to remain professional and in control before she threw herself at his mercy in front of everyone there.

"I don't want her on the phone. I will exchange Mr Galt for Miss Sidle. No negotiation"

The click and the dead silence on the other end of the phone indicated he had hung up and no further discussions were to be made. She locked eyes with Grissom, still standing so close to him she could detail every crease on his skin, every errant hair and every tiny movement of his eyes as he gazed at her. They were suddenly reminded of their location by one of the officers asking what they should do now. Poor Grissom looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders as he looked between the cabin and her.

She realized that this was one of those situations where she had to take control. He wouldn't make a decision of that magnitude. There was no way he would encourage her to put herself in danger like that, she was doubting whether he would even let her do it if she volunteered but she didn't intend to give him an option. As he turned to look at the blueprints to find a way in she seized the opportunity to march towards the house. She moved quickly past the police cars and armed police officers, she marched straight past Nick chatting to someone and she stepped onto the porch with a defiant glance around.

"Sara! What are you doin' girl? Get over here!"

She turned then, right at the last moment, she turned on her heel as she stepped onto the porch and looked at Nick. She didn't count on meeting Grissom's eyes from all this distance. She didn't count on the emotion, the horror in his eyes as he realized what she was doing, She didn't count on Rob appearing in the doorway behind her and placing the cold shaft of his gun against her head. She didn't count on a lot of the things that followed. The man he had been holding as his prisoner ran out into the clearing almost screaming as he went. A jumble of officers ran to his aid as Rob slowly backed her into the surprising large space inside the cabin.

The last thing she saw before he closed the door was the steely eyes of Gil Grissom almost begging Rob not to hurt her. She was incredibly glad he cared, she was surprised just how much she had longed for that justification. Her heart beat hard against her chest as emotions began to overwhelm her.

now all she had to do was rid civilization of her excess baggage, namely Robert Miller, and they were home free. Surely that couldn't be too hard...


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in posting this, I've been sick. I'm trying to take to my sick bed so I can get 'Trapped' finished but with 3 kids there's just no time to wallow…. It's on my to do list I promise. I'd also like to apologise for not responding to all your review's like I usually do. Again the old sick card is played, it's physically painful to look at a screen. Forgive me! I do appreciate each and every word xxx_

_**Grissom – Showing me another way and all that my love can bring.**_

Watching her disappear into that cabin with Rob's gun pressed against her head was almost like being stabbed repeatedly through the heart. This was a new development and one he had been wholly unprepared for. The old saying goes that 'love hurts' he imagined a more psychological pain, this was a physical pain. His chest grew tighter, his heart raced, his head pounded and a shiver worked its way up his spine.

He didn't stop to wonder whether this was a physical manifestation of his feelings for Sara, the only thing he knew was that right now she was in danger. Very real danger and he had to fix it. Somehow.

The mass of officers arranged around the house were all looking at him for direction. If he wasn't careful his personal involvement in this case could become common knowledge and that wouldn't help anyone. He cleared his throat before he spoke in an effort to rid it of the huge lump building there.

"Ok, Nicky take Mr. Galt down to the station and take his statement. Everyone else keep your wits about you and focus on that cabin. We have an officer inside; no-one wants any harm to come to her"

That seemed to do the trick, Nick drove away with a rather shaken Mr. Galt in his passenger seat and a hush descended over the woods as the officers switched their attention back to the cabin. Their designated hostage negotiator attempted to open the lines of communication again but Grissom knew it was a fruitless exercise. Robert had what he wanted now he just had to hope that he didn't want to hurt Sara. It was entirely possible that he just needed someone to talk to; he may have some level of regret and need to talk it out to reach some clarity. He had every faith in Sara's ability to talk him round, she was a good listener and she was incredibly patient. That could be all rob needed.

The cabin was quiet, not a sound reached them as they watched and waited for a voice or a movement. Images of the victims flashed before his eyes over and over again like a flip book. A terrible knot of tension began to form deep in the pit of his stomach as he thought about it. All of a sudden the bloodied corpse of the woman slayed all over the bed had transformed into Sara and a wave of nausea washed over him. He couldn't let that happen to her; he wouldn't let that happen to her.

Before he even realized he had decided what to do he was stomping his way through the undergrowth and headed for the back of the house. A couple of officers threw him a questioning look that he chose to ignore. This was no time for an extended thought process, he had learnt one thing over the course of the last few days it was that time had the tendency to slip through your fingers. Sometimes overthinking things just made them altogether more complicated. Gil Grissom had decided to turn over a new leaf starting today. Gil Grissom was going to stop thinking and start doing.

Right now he wasn't entirely sure what he was doing but he was doing it nonetheless. He peered in the darkened windows at the back of the house and saw a whole lot of nothing. There was no yard of any description; the area around the back of the house was a jungle of weeds and brambles. They scratched and tore at his legs like they were physically holding him back but he pushed forward until he found a door almost hidden behind a rather angry looking rose bush.

As he tore at the thorns with his bare hands he could hear robs voice and footsteps inside. He was pacing as he spoke, back and forth across a wooden floor. Grissom paused for a few long moments and strained his ears trying to hear Sara but he got nothing. He wasn't sure whether that was a good or a bad thing but he was sure he couldn't waste any more time. He pulled the branches of the bush down to the ground and placed his feet on top of them to secure them in place.

The door clearly wasn't used to being opened. The lock looked as though it was rusted over and dirt caked the frame like moss. He fished in his pocket for his penknife and slipped it into the space between the door and the frame as quietly as he could. For a second Rob stopped pacing and ranting and Grissom froze in position before peering nervously into the tiny blackened window by the door. He couldn't see either Rob or Sara but it didn't take long for the heavy footsteps to echo off the walls again and Grissom gave a sigh of relief.

He prized the door open with great difficulty, it had been fused shut with years of dirt and grime and attempting to do it silently was near impossible. He thanked the lord for Rob's unnecessarily loud footsteps.

The cabin was dark inside and felt suppressive. There was a strong smell that Grissom couldn't quite pinpoint. It made the air stale and almost unbreathable and as he crept inside he found out what it was. A multitude of dirty pots and pans were stacked in the sink. Plates and mugs littered the worktops and flies swarmed everywhere. This place had been abandoned for quite some time, how unlucky for Mr. Galt to have chosen this week to take a trip back.

The floorboards were irritatingly creaky, if rob would stop ranting for a second he would have heard him moving from the kitchen into the long dark hallway and drawing his weapon but he seemed to have a lot to say.

"I didn't want to kill her Sara; she was going to leave me. She was feeling guilty about her family. About her children, I told her I would take care of them and she begged me. She begged and begged. It was disgusting"

Grissom was about to storm the room, he took a deep breath and stood against the wall by the door. This was it, he had to choose the perfect moment to catch Rob off guard and rescue Sara. Quietly he shifted his weight onto his lead foot and leaned out to peer around the door into the room. And he saw her.

Her hands were bound to the arms of the chair she was seated in, her hair falling over her face and no doubt irritating her an immense amount. She watched Rob as he paced, her dark eyes studying him with such scrutiny he was sure she was mentally noting every tiny movement or gesture in her brain for later use. Her mind fascinated him; she seemed to have a wealth of knowledge that could put even him to shame. Her almost photographic memory was one of the things that made her such a highly skilled CSI's. He tried to catch her eye without making his presence completely obvious but Rob was ranting about other people getting in the way.

"He won't even make the effort to come and save you Sara, I mean. He's out there with all his cop buddies having a laugh at our expense!"

Grissom realized a little too late that he was talking about him and as Sara began to speak she looked up and met his eye.

"He would never do that" she smiled softly, a completely accidental lapse of judgment that sent Rob rapidly over the edge of his insanity.

Rob's body turned before he even had the chance to register it, in that moment he had been lost in her eyes. He had been contemplating crossing the room and taking her in his arms regardless of the police officers and the co-workers and the deranged killer. He would have done it too, he would have thrown caution to the wind if Rob hadn't seen red. He would have embraced the woman he loved if it wasn't for the noise that filled the room and the weight he felt hitting him.

A gunshot penetrated his thoughts and his chest and as he fell to the ground, all he could think about was the fact that he got to look her in the eye again. that when it mattered, he was able to show her how much she meant to him.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: thank you all for the lovley reviews and the get well wishes. I want to apologise once again for failing to respond to you all individually. I promise to get right on it with this chapter now that I am feeling a bit better :D I wasn't going to post today since I am still under the weather but 'Lady L. Shardake' appealed to my better nature and my romantic side and the fact that this story is complete already makes it easy to post even when I am sick! sooooo please let me know your thoughts on this one. happy Feb 29th! :D love to you all, Charli xxx_

_**Sara - But I can't stop loving you**_

She looked into his eyes, right into his eyes as he fell. At first the magnitude of it all didn't hit her. The gunshots didn't penetrate the haze of shock, all she saw were his eyes and she saw the light go out in them. She saw that distinct sparkle that made him Grissom escape his gaze as his body hit the floor and the dark blood stain worked its way through the fabric of his shirt.

She had been firmly stuck to the chair until then, happy to placate Rob with her unwavering cooperation but now, now she had a reason to fight with the binds of her chair. Now she used every single iota of strength she had to pull and wriggle her wrists out of the harsh unforgiving ropes. Her skin was raw and broken, blood escaping the second she freed herself from them but she didn't notice that. She threw herself towards Grissom, pressing her hands down hard on Grissom's chest in an effort to curb the bleeding.

Robert had took a shot to the leg, this angered him even more but when he noticed Sara crouching over an injured Grissom something in him changed. The anger and the resentment in his eyes was gone and he sat on the sofa with a heavy sigh. The police officers outside were descending on the building, the air outside swirled with the wind generated by the police helicopter and for the first time Rob looked scared.

Sara slipped the shirt from her shoulders and used it to apply pressure on Grissom's wound. Blood pooled behind him, expanding across the floor like a snake searching for a dark place to hide. Blood had never been so terrifying to her in her entire life; the fear must have been evident in her eyes as she looked towards Rob. He was watching them, watching her every move as she stretched out and pulled a pillow from the small chair to place under his shoulder on the other side of the wound. Her arms and body were saturated in blood by the time the police officers made their way into the house.

They hadn't even made it into the room yet when Rob raised his gun. He pointed it at Sara, tears straining his face and blood pouring down his leg.

"I'm sorry Sara; I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt anyone"

It took only a second for him to raise his gun to his jaw, she wasn't sure her voice even made the sound she wanted it to or if it was merely drowned out by the sound of another gunshot but Rob pulled the trigger and although he was right before her eyes mere seconds before, now he was gone.

The officers stormed the room too late to have done anything. It was almost as though the entire room was soaked with blood. She was suddenly terribly exhausted and completely over emotional. Her façade of dignity and strength failed her completely and she collapsed onto Grissom's chest in a flurry of sobs. There was no way to predict how she was feeling, the sheer impact of the past few minutes was yet to dawn on her but her chest was tightening as gasping sobs escaped her mouth, her heart felt like it had stopped completely as she looked down at a lifeless Grissom in her arms. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be. Maybe they were never destined to be together. They were just another tragic romance.

Paramedics were pushing her out of the way; in her daze she just let them. She watched them dress his wound, watched as they strapped him to a stretcher and disappeared with him. She just stared at the blood, stared at the empty space that had once been filled by Grissom. It didn't seem real, like those slow motion scenes in the movies where everything dragged by painfully slowly and somehow her brain still couldn't keep up.

"Miss, can you hear me? Miss my name is John, do you have any injuries?"

John would probably have got further talking to Rob right then. He shone a light into her eyes and pulled her to her feet with a gentle smile.

"We're going to take you to the hospital Miss Sidle. You're in shock"

"Where's Grissom?" her voice was quiet and scared, like a child's voice. She almost didn't recognize herself. She followed John out of the cabin in a daze. She wasn't sure where she was going and she wasn't sure why but she followed him anyway, feeling numb and detached as the eyes of every police officer in Ely bore down on her.

She slid into the ambulance without looking up. The ground was doing well for her, if she stared at the ground she could be absolutely sure that she wasn't in fact spinning out of control as her head would have her believe. John wrapped the blood pressure cuff around her arm and she actually relished the pain it caused her. She wasn't numb; she was able to feel something.

The siren sounded as the ambulance roughly swung itself out of the woods. This struck her as odd when she considered the fact that she really had no physical injuries but as she was thrown round another corner she cautiously took a look around her surroundings.

He was there; john was working on him furiously. He squeezed fluids into his arm, he read the monitors by his side and he looked into his eyes. She focused on his outstretched hand, the blood snaking its way down his arm and dripping from his wrist, instinctively she grasped it in her own. It was comforting in its warmth, at least he wasn't dead.

At the hospital he was taken away from her again but by now she was at least capable of conscious thought. She wandered through the brightly lit corridors, people staring at her as she walked. She had forgotten about the blood, she had forgotten about the fact she was walking around in just her bra and her blood saturated pants. She flopped herself down in the hard chairs wincing as her almost skeletal frame collided with the unforgiving plastic.

Nick wandered past with a coffee in his hands. He almost didn't see her, he almost wandered right past her and she would have let him too. She was staring at her hands, watching as they shook and trembled, the rest of the world meant nothing to her at all until he sat beside her and covered her hands with his.

"Sara? What happened, are you ok?"

She looked up at him as though he was the last person in the world she expected to see. She wasn't very sure who she had expected to see but it wasn't Nick.

"Grissom… he's… he's been shot Nick"

The horror and fear on Nick's face was how she should have reacted. She should have been outwardly horrified and shouting at the receptionist for more information. She should be heartbroken and scared and all she could do was sit there and stare at her blood stained hands while she thought about, well, nothing. She wasn't thinking about anything.

"Miss Sidle?" a young looking doctor looked around the waiting room and she ignored him. She didn't need a doctor to tell her she was in shock; it was pretty obvious to anyone who took a second to look at her that she wasn't acting the way any sane person would act.

Nick nudged her with his elbow and frowned at her. He wanted her to respond, to make her presence known but all she wanted to do was disappear. Nick waved the doctor over and he crouched in front of Sara in an attempt to meet her eye.

"Mr. Grissom is asking for you"

Her heart and her stomach somersaulted in opposite directions as she met his eye with a questioning look. He simply nodded and smiled at her, she did try to suppress the unmistakable change it made to her mood. Nick simply couldn't see how relived, how joyous his statement had made her. Not only was Grissom alive but he was asking for her. Not for Nick or a doctor even but her.

She crept into the room fully aware of how terrible she must look. Her hair clung to her face, her skin felt filthy, the blood a stark contrast to the milky skin it graced and yet he still looked at her the same way he always did. That way that made her feel like she lit up the room, that way where she knew that even if Naomi Campbell was in the same room it would only be her he would see.

"I had to make sure you were ok..." he spoke slowly and quietly. The morphine was obviously starting to kick in making him drowsy and weak. Sara took the chair by the bed; it was much more comfortable than the ones in the waiting room.

"You go and get yourself shot and you have to see if I'm ok?"

She laughed at the irony realizing that Grissom hadn't witnessed Robert's dramatic suicide. He had been out cold, unconscious on the floor when it happened. He probably had every right to be worried about her.

"I'm fine. More than I could say for you. What were you thinking coming after him like that? You could have been killed!"

He took her hand in his, held it tightly against his chest as he met her eyes. There was an honesty in his eyes like she had never seen before. It struck her like a punch to the stomach, the air left her lungs, her heart raced. She was ashamed to admit that her emotions were behaving in such a way. That she could have such a physical reaction to a mere look.

"I couldn't have lived without you"


	15. Chapter 15

_**Grissom – I can't stop loving you**_

He was released from hospital later that night. Sara and Nick had been sent away to get some rest as he intended to make the drive back to Vegas early the next morning but the doctor had been very insistent he remained within distance of the hospital for 24 hours and he didn't drive. The cab pulled up at the hotel as dusk was beginning to fall, his pain medication made him really tired but he had one place he had to go before he could let sleep come. One thing he had to take care of before it was too late… again.

He knocked on her door before nerves could take hold of him and they _were_ taking hold of him. If he had hesitated he may have turned back, if he had listened to the logic in his head he would have gone to his own room and slept off the events of the past couple of days. He would have woken refreshed and alert and more capable of dealing with something like this. Something so unmistakably huge that would change the course of his life.

She was taking a long time to answer the door. Too long for his liking, it gave him too much time to think. He was actually about to spin around and head back to his room. He could pretend the whole thing didn't happen; Sara probably wouldn't bring it up for fear of another rejection. He could feasibly return to Vegas with only the memory of her soft skin under his fingers. The problem with that was that he wouldn't always be able to taste her lips on his, eventually the memory would fade and he would need more. He would always need more.

So he knocked again, despite the fear flowing through his body and the many, many impulses that told him not to. When she appeared in the doorway they were all forgotten. Every last one.

She stood there silhouetted by the bright lighting in the room, one white towel wrapped around her body and another one in her hand tousling her wet hair. The entire room was filled with the soft lavender scent that he had come to accustom with her, it was known for its abilities to relax but in this case it did nothing but arouse.

At first her expression was one of confusion, they had all expected him to be in hospital at least for the night. He was probably the last person she expected to arrive at her door that night. The confusion was soon replaced with something else, he wasn't sure what it was but there was deepness in her eyes as she stepped aside and let him in.

"Shouldn't you still be at the hospital?"

"No, they let me out"

Her expression told him she didn't believe him but she didn't challenge him. She dropped the towel in her hand onto the dressing table and switched on the blow-dryer as he watched her from the center of the room. He was bewildered, all the way over here, all the way from the hospital he had ran through this moment in his head. He had imagined every possible scenario and every outcome. It was what scientists did best after all; they considered the variables and predicted the conclusion.

He couldn't have predicted his sudden inability to speak, he wouldn't have predicted just how breathtakingly beautiful she would be straight from the shower. The beads of moisture still dabbling her skin like diamonds and the humidity twisting her hair into soft curls he longed to run his fingers through. He was aware he was staring at her and so was she. He couldn't help but meet her eye in the mirror over and over again while he watched and shamefully willed the towel to come loose and pool at her feet.

"What do you want Grissom?"

She stood in front of him, almost toe to toe and met his eye. He had been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't even noticed her switching the blow-dryer off or slipping the complimentary hotel robe over her shoulders. He had outstayed his welcome, he either had to make his excuses and leave or make his move. It should have been a cut and dry decision. He should have been able to come up with a beautifully poetic quote that perfectly summarized how he felt but the only words that spilled from his mouth were ones he would instantly regret.

"Nothing"

He saw the rage light the fire in her eyes right away. He could feel the rant building and bubbling under the surface as she stared at him, stared right into his eyes.

"Nothing? All of this, this … game…. It was for nothing?"

She paced the room, venting her frustrations as he had often seen her do. A lot of the time it was his fault she had those frustrations. He wondered sometimes if she would maybe be an altogether calmer person if he wasn't in her life. Still he couldn't form the words he needed, they didn't seem to exist. in his vast linguistic knowledge there were no words that could properly express it so instead he reached out to her another way. He rested a hand on her arm, heavily padded by the bathrobe. It stopped her pacing at least; it made her look at him again. She was defeated, he realized that when she looked at him. She had given up. What she had given up on he couldn't be sure but she had definitely given up.

"What do you want?"

He turned the question onto her, if nothing else it would buy him some much needed time but apparently she didn't need long to consider her answer. She brushed his hand off her arm and faced him with every bit of defiance and self-worth she had left.

"I want you to want me" he was sure his mouth gaped open when she let the robe fall to the floor. Although the towel remained in place it was glaringly obvious the angle she was going for. She reached out for his hand and hovered it above her chest. He wasn't touching her but he could feel her breath as her chest slowly moved with its rhythm, he could almost feel her heart thumping through her skin as she stood there waiting for him to make his move. "I feel like I'll explode if you just touch me Grissom"

He could have easily moved his hand the mere millimeters to her chest but something snapped in his brain that made stoic, controlled Gil Grissom topple right over the edge of his passion. Like a river breaking its dam, it may have taken a long time for the trickle to become a stream but all it took was one twig out of place for the whole thing to come crashing down.

He cupped his hand under her jaw, his fingers lacing in her hair as he pulled her close and danced his lips on hers. That kiss, that delicious soft kiss awakened all the secret longings and desire he had buried. It almost hurt to feel her lips grace his but in a strange way it was the most exquisite kind of pain he had ever experienced. The sensation awoke reactions all over his body as she pressed against him and he whispered in her ear.

"I have _always_ wanted you"


	16. Chapter 16

**Sara – with Half of my Heart**

Parting her lips slightly, she leant in towards him, yielding to the soft strength of his kiss. It engulfed her, gaining in strength until she found herself wrapped up in him, body, heart and soul. Something changed in that moment, the kisses they had shared before were born out of passion and desperation, this kiss was different.

This was a promise, this changed all her heady fantasies and longings into reality. So she surrendered, the wall she had created to block out all his rejections and harsh words had crumbled and she was willing to take a chance on him. He had taken that step, tentatively and with a lot of gentle persuasion but he had made that change and she was ready to follow. She was ready to nurture the sapling relationship to full blossom and it was exhilarating, terrifying and somehow completely natural all at the same time.

His hands didn't explore her body with excitement; he trembled as he brushed against her skin with such gentle astonishment she could feel a heat rising within her already. His lips moved from hers and she met his eyes for a second. He was hesitant, as though asking for permission to proceed as she drew her hands across his chest and unhooked the buttons of his shirt one by one.

She felt his lips on her neck, nibbling and sucking the sensitive skin there and igniting a fire. The bristles of his beard scratched and irritated her skin just enough to cast tingles across her neck and force her eyes closed. She couldn't suppress the sighs finding their way to her lips, the anticipation of the act was overwhelming enough, she could only imagine what it would feel like when they actually crossed that line and consummated their relationship.

Her shaking hands removed his belt and tackled the button on his pants when he stopped her with his own hands. It never ceased to amaze her how his hand could envelop hers so easily, how their fingers laced together so naturally.

"Sara, are you sure you want to do this?"

His voice was almost a whisper, she could tell that while he was genuinely asking her if he could proceed he was also hoping that she would agree. It struck her as amusing that even after all this time and all their games he was still so unsure about her affections. In response she met his eye as the towel dropped to the floor, his reaction was worth every bit of fear she had felt. His eyes drew over her body drinking in every inch of her skin before he pulled her to him again and within seconds they were tangled in each other on the bed.

It was everything she had imagined it would be and yet it was completely different. He was so attentive; his fingers traced circles across her skin like he was attempting to memorize every goose bump and every blemish. He hesitated ever so slightly as he moved further up the inside of her thigh, drawing his breath when his fingers rose to meet her and she rewarded him with a throaty moan.

She had liberated him from his tented trousers and expertly worked him into frenzy before he had to stop her for fear of finishing before he had started, instead she closed her eyes and drew her nails over his broad back, and she placed soft slow kisses along his neck and captured his curls between her fingers. Her body was reacting to his lips and his fingers in surprisingly dramatic ways, it had never felt like this before, no-one had ever made her tremble and moan so easily.

He shifted his body over hers, wincing at pain in his shoulder as he did so until he looked into her eyes and he was lost again. The crystal blue of his eyes seemed to have darkened and deepened as he moved to kiss her. His thumb drew across her cheek and gently brushed across her lips as he took that final step and entered her.

A long throaty moan accompanied his attempt to hold back a sigh. Her legs wrapped around him, inviting him closer and pulling him deeper so that she could feel every part of his body touching hers. It was the most amazing sensation she had ever felt. She wasn't sure she wanted to encourage him to move for fear of it ending, she wanted to feel him there forever; she wanted to cling to his body like this and feel her muscles spasm around him as they slowly adjusted to each other.

She couldn't do it, she couldn't just lie there and be still, her hips started to rotate involuntarily and encouraged him to slowly thrust back and forth, almost withdrawing fully just to sink into her again and force another moan from somewhere deep down in the pit of her stomach. His body jerked dramatically in response and his hand encircled her waist and tilted her hips towards him. He thrust harder and faster and his breathing became erratic and flustered.

Suddenly she wanted to be in control. She pulled away and coaxed him into lying on the bed, in one swift movement she was atop him. Her lips caressed his chest and his navel, her hair brushing over his groin in a delicious tease. She was already close when she lowered herself to him. Once again she had to steel her thoughts and remind herself to stay controlled as she began to rotate her hips and carefully steer him towards his own surrender.

His hands explored her skin again, clutching at her nipples and dancing over her now super responsive clitoris, it was almost too much. The overwhelming sensations were causing lights to flash before her eyes like flickering stars, her breath left her lips as sighs and moans and her heart pounded. She was suddenly collapsing into his arms, unaware of where she ended and where he began. He held her close, his face buried in her hair and they reached their crescendo together. A tangled mass of sweat and trembling sighs and she never wanted it to be over. It had been glorious and magical but she clung to his body as her soul was gripped with emotion.

They didn't dare move for a long time, his fingers laced through her hair and stroked along the curve of her spine and she finally pulled herself away. She sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her feet. This was ridiculous; to feel this way just because of sex was completely uncalled for. Yes it had been amazing, the most all-consuming moment of her life but there was no excuse for this overwhelming urge to cry. She was valiantly fighting it off but Grissom was not a foolish man, he could sense her melancholy, he could see the defeat.

He began to place kisses across her back and neck, his hand stroked her shoulder and her arm until she relented. Finally capable of controlling herself she dipped back onto the soft pillows of the bed and he gazed at her. His eyes had regained that sparkle, his lips curled into a smile as he propped himself up on one elbow and traced circles across her stomach with his free hand.

"Are you ok?"

She was suddenly embarrassed. Had it been anyone else in bed with her he would have run a million miles to see her acting such a way after they had made love but Grissom, Grissom was different. He watched her as she pondered her answer and a sultry half smile lit her features.

"It's never felt that… it's never been that _powerful_ before"

Grissom may have been different from all the others but he still possessed a typical male ego and short of preening his feathers and crowing like a cockerel he was very much enjoying the fact that he had caused such a reaction in her. Rather than allow him bask in his glory she decided the best approach would be to distract him from her compliment. She drew her hands over his bare chest and pulled him to her for a kiss. He was more than willing to comply and the night slipped away to a symphony of kisses and sighs. And when she slept, in his arms, with his heartbeat soothing her, she slept better than she had in years.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Soooo do we approve? There you have it, another complete Huzzah! NOW I am officially on a mission to complete Trapped, if you are all very good I might even get it done by tomorrow but then, I know you lot…. Being good somehow eludes you ;o)**

**Love you all xxx**


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